Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Alexis tugged her knees tightly up against her chest as the banging footsteps approached.
"Why were they always so loud?" she wondered to herself. Yet in the same instance she was thankful for the noise, because in the silence they might have heard the sound of her breathing and found her. But the noise and darkness disguised Alexis and kept her safe in her small corner. Something within her longed to cry out to them, but fear choked her words into silence. She longed to stand up, move, stretch, and play with them, but instead she pressed herself tighter against the rough wall until it cut into her back. Soon the footsteps faded away to silence. Tears streamed down her face. She jumped to her feet and cried "Come back! I'm here! Don't leave, please, please don't leave." Only silence replied.
"Why were they always so loud?" she wondered to herself. Yet in the same instance she was thankful for the noise, because in the silence they might have heard the sound of her breathing and found her. But the noise and darkness disguised Alexis and kept her safe in her small corner. Something within her longed to cry out to them, but fear choked her words into silence. She longed to stand up, move, stretch, and play with them, but instead she pressed herself tighter against the rough wall until it cut into her back. Soon the footsteps faded away to silence. Tears streamed down her face. She jumped to her feet and cried "Come back! I'm here! Don't leave, please, please don't leave." Only silence replied.
Monday, April 26, 2004
Why God? I'm so confused. Help him, Lord, help them.
How in this world can we put a man on the moon,
And still have a need for a place like St Jude's?
And why is one man born,
In a place where all they know is war?
An' a guy like me,
Has always been free.
An' how can two people who built a lovin' home,
Try for years an' never have a child of their own?
When somewhere out there tonight,
There's a baby no-one's holdin' tight:
In need of love.
To me, that don't add up.
But I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticise what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.
An' why did my cousin have to die in that crash?
A good kid, only seventeen, I still wonder 'bout that.
It seems unfair to me,
Some get the chance to chase their dreams,
An' some don't.
But what do I know?
I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticise what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.
Why do I feel like you hear these prayers of mine.
When so many oughta be ahead of me in line?
When you look down on me,
Can you see the good through all the bad?
These just a few questions I have.
-Clay Walker
How in this world can we put a man on the moon,
And still have a need for a place like St Jude's?
And why is one man born,
In a place where all they know is war?
An' a guy like me,
Has always been free.
An' how can two people who built a lovin' home,
Try for years an' never have a child of their own?
When somewhere out there tonight,
There's a baby no-one's holdin' tight:
In need of love.
To me, that don't add up.
But I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticise what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.
An' why did my cousin have to die in that crash?
A good kid, only seventeen, I still wonder 'bout that.
It seems unfair to me,
Some get the chance to chase their dreams,
An' some don't.
But what do I know?
I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticise what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.
Why do I feel like you hear these prayers of mine.
When so many oughta be ahead of me in line?
When you look down on me,
Can you see the good through all the bad?
These just a few questions I have.
-Clay Walker
Saturday, April 24, 2004
What I really want to say is...
Our group has changed recently. We were growing together, but something has changed. Why is it, that after one of us has been acting strange or having a bad day, we don't bother calling them the next day to see if they're alright. Why do we not ask the tough questions like we use to? If one of us didn't show up tomorrow, would anyone call? Are we truely seeking after eachother, truely wanting to get involved in eachothers' lives no matter how messy, or are we content to stay in what we're got now? We've become comfortable around eachother, and now we're content to stay stagnant. We are real enough to make our relationships seem deep and to actually be deeper than most friendships, but we hve stop trying to go deeper an become closer. When we have conversations heart to heart now, its talking about how we can fix problems around us, not how we're truely doing deep down. How many times do we ask eachother how are you doing spiritually? What are you struggling with truely? When everything is quiet, what's been on your mind?
Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way or feels like we've fallen into this. Maybe its just me...
Our group has changed recently. We were growing together, but something has changed. Why is it, that after one of us has been acting strange or having a bad day, we don't bother calling them the next day to see if they're alright. Why do we not ask the tough questions like we use to? If one of us didn't show up tomorrow, would anyone call? Are we truely seeking after eachother, truely wanting to get involved in eachothers' lives no matter how messy, or are we content to stay in what we're got now? We've become comfortable around eachother, and now we're content to stay stagnant. We are real enough to make our relationships seem deep and to actually be deeper than most friendships, but we hve stop trying to go deeper an become closer. When we have conversations heart to heart now, its talking about how we can fix problems around us, not how we're truely doing deep down. How many times do we ask eachother how are you doing spiritually? What are you struggling with truely? When everything is quiet, what's been on your mind?
Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way or feels like we've fallen into this. Maybe its just me...
Last night was fun. It was great seeing Chip and Kelsey again, especially getting to play against Chip.
What a beautiful night!! The weather was great. But man, I needed my coffee. I got a double to help me relax (coffee can be so relaxing). As I left the coffee shop, music from a nearby penny whistle floated through the night air. Perfect night for a walk.
The streets were filled with people: enough to feel some energy and a part of civilization but few enough to feel peaceful. Everything seemed picturesque as I walked down Wall Street. The trees, the buildings, the music bubbling over into the streets from the restaurants and shops begged me to pause there for awhile.
Eventually I reached a small park where about 10-15 people were playing drums and others danced. I stood there listening and watching, and would have stayed longer, but I knew there was somewhere I needed to be.
As the music from the drums slowly faded, a new sound rose. It was a violin. As I approached, I saw a man with a black hat tipped forward on his head playing a jig on his violin. Suddenly, he stopped and began to dance and sing a verse, than continued the jig. He was awesome!! I could have stayed there listening for a long time (I did for while with the large crowd that was gathered around him), but necessity drew me onward.
I briskly passed a guitarist as the lights from the Mellow Mushroom rose into view. I paused outside the entrance-way, should I just turn back? With step I heaved the thought from my mind and found them at a table, laughing and joking as usual. I immediately told them I wasn't staying and searched their eyes for their true reactions (eyes can tell so much about what a person really thinks). I enjoyed just quietly listening to them talk and watching them interact. But tonight, I was in a tranquil mood. I wanted to simply relax and enjoy the night.
I waited for Heather to come before I left. Britt was worried about me. I felt bad for brushing off his worry, but no one else seemed bothered and I was cautious and careful of where I walked. I did not want to spoil anyones evening because I was in a reflective mood.
The walk back was peaceful. I stood for a long time watching people and searching my own thoughts. How rare I take the time to figure out why I do what I do and react how I react. I drove home that night with the radio off, occasionally gazing at the stars.
It was a good night.
What a beautiful night!! The weather was great. But man, I needed my coffee. I got a double to help me relax (coffee can be so relaxing). As I left the coffee shop, music from a nearby penny whistle floated through the night air. Perfect night for a walk.
The streets were filled with people: enough to feel some energy and a part of civilization but few enough to feel peaceful. Everything seemed picturesque as I walked down Wall Street. The trees, the buildings, the music bubbling over into the streets from the restaurants and shops begged me to pause there for awhile.
Eventually I reached a small park where about 10-15 people were playing drums and others danced. I stood there listening and watching, and would have stayed longer, but I knew there was somewhere I needed to be.
As the music from the drums slowly faded, a new sound rose. It was a violin. As I approached, I saw a man with a black hat tipped forward on his head playing a jig on his violin. Suddenly, he stopped and began to dance and sing a verse, than continued the jig. He was awesome!! I could have stayed there listening for a long time (I did for while with the large crowd that was gathered around him), but necessity drew me onward.
I briskly passed a guitarist as the lights from the Mellow Mushroom rose into view. I paused outside the entrance-way, should I just turn back? With step I heaved the thought from my mind and found them at a table, laughing and joking as usual. I immediately told them I wasn't staying and searched their eyes for their true reactions (eyes can tell so much about what a person really thinks). I enjoyed just quietly listening to them talk and watching them interact. But tonight, I was in a tranquil mood. I wanted to simply relax and enjoy the night.
I waited for Heather to come before I left. Britt was worried about me. I felt bad for brushing off his worry, but no one else seemed bothered and I was cautious and careful of where I walked. I did not want to spoil anyones evening because I was in a reflective mood.
The walk back was peaceful. I stood for a long time watching people and searching my own thoughts. How rare I take the time to figure out why I do what I do and react how I react. I drove home that night with the radio off, occasionally gazing at the stars.
It was a good night.
Monday, April 19, 2004
Today was an interesting day, in a cool way, starting in the afternoon that is. It felt like I was seeing everything for the first time. The beauty of the woods and flowering bushes so caught my attention as I was mowing that I left large tuffs of grass still standing. As I walked out of AB Tech, the sun was setting over the mountains and I walked into a truck trying to watch it (I had to keep moving cause I had to meet my mom). Than, driving to the mall was fascinating!!! The way that all the trees were patterns of different shades of green and all in beautiful and intricate shapes. The moutains were checked with these patterns, except slowly faded to dark and dead near the top of the mountain where spring has not yet reached. The flowery trees touched off the scene with an ornamental beauty. Every corner in the road brought more sites and beauty. If I did not half to meet mom, I would have kept driving until I ran out of gas. A song came on the radio that sumed it up well: "It feels as though yesterday as the day that I was born". Either I have never seen such a beautiful spring, never truely appreciated the beauty of spring, or the winter caused me to forget what spring was like.
Every season has its own beauty, but this spring has just left me in awe everytime I leave the house. God sure must love us to not only save us but allow us to live in such a beautiful paradise and how much greater the beauty of heaven will be!!
Every season has its own beauty, but this spring has just left me in awe everytime I leave the house. God sure must love us to not only save us but allow us to live in such a beautiful paradise and how much greater the beauty of heaven will be!!
Sunday, April 18, 2004
Wow. That's all that can describe it.
What a gorgeous day. The weather was perfect!
Trail riding as a blast!!! Kim and I went up to Dupont today to ride. SOOOO fun. The horses were great. Nothing beats the feeling of galloping up a trail on a horse that is not spookish, flying past the bikers and hikers and trees. I couldn't be happier. *happy sigh*. The views were great too.
Speaking of trail riding, Britt lost a bet against Heather and I and we still need to take him riding. Hmm...gotta plan a time for that.
My sister just called. She broke her hand and dislocated her thumb playing soccer. Her boyfriend checked her sideways and she fell and broke it. The doctors had to give her a cast that she could take on and off temporarily because she had a fashion show today. She'll get a more permanent one later in the week. It seems like everyone is getting injured lately!!!
Have I mentioned yet what a beautiful day it was?
I want to travel to Europe. Yes, I'm getting random again, but I'm happy, I'm often random when I'm happy.
I wish I had brought my camara on the trail ride.
Do you see me? I'm here in front of you, but do you see me?
I'm going to go read now. A good end to a good day.
What a gorgeous day. The weather was perfect!
Trail riding as a blast!!! Kim and I went up to Dupont today to ride. SOOOO fun. The horses were great. Nothing beats the feeling of galloping up a trail on a horse that is not spookish, flying past the bikers and hikers and trees. I couldn't be happier. *happy sigh*. The views were great too.
Speaking of trail riding, Britt lost a bet against Heather and I and we still need to take him riding. Hmm...gotta plan a time for that.
My sister just called. She broke her hand and dislocated her thumb playing soccer. Her boyfriend checked her sideways and she fell and broke it. The doctors had to give her a cast that she could take on and off temporarily because she had a fashion show today. She'll get a more permanent one later in the week. It seems like everyone is getting injured lately!!!
Have I mentioned yet what a beautiful day it was?
I want to travel to Europe. Yes, I'm getting random again, but I'm happy, I'm often random when I'm happy.
I wish I had brought my camara on the trail ride.
Do you see me? I'm here in front of you, but do you see me?
I'm going to go read now. A good end to a good day.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
One of the greatest feeliings is running until you feel like you can't run any further or you'll not be able to take another breathe or your muscles will give out, than pushing on, going further, and finishing to the goal you originally set. I love running. I forgot how much I loved to run because I havn't run as much this year as I use to. I will never again take the ability to run for granted.
Its interesting, fun, and very sad finding out where we seniors are going to college next year. Most all of you know that I'm going to Clemson. Even though I know that's where I want to go, I still second guess myself everyday. Something, usually something that someone says, makes me wonder if I'm sure that I am making the right decision. I'm scared about making the wrong choice and being miserable (even though I know that I can trust the Lord, that He has given me the desire to go there and all that stuff). I'm scared because I don't know what its going to be like and there are none of my friends there. It's going to be so different than what I'm use to. So although I'm excited and looking forward to change and a chance to start over, I'm nervous. It really does not help when people make fun of the Clemson. When people make fun of it, it brings us all those fears. I know that they're just joking, but please just give me time to get use to the idea of going there.
I'm sorry for getting frustrated with a couple of you last night. I just can't stand people looking at me with that look of pity. I don't know why, but it really really bugs me. So I'm sorry for snapping at you. Alot of things have been on my mind lately. My frustration before the game did not have much to do with my ankle.
I suck at pool, but it would be fun to get good at it.
I love spring!!!
Swing dancing is fun!!
Okay, umm... wow, I'm getting random.
Its interesting, fun, and very sad finding out where we seniors are going to college next year. Most all of you know that I'm going to Clemson. Even though I know that's where I want to go, I still second guess myself everyday. Something, usually something that someone says, makes me wonder if I'm sure that I am making the right decision. I'm scared about making the wrong choice and being miserable (even though I know that I can trust the Lord, that He has given me the desire to go there and all that stuff). I'm scared because I don't know what its going to be like and there are none of my friends there. It's going to be so different than what I'm use to. So although I'm excited and looking forward to change and a chance to start over, I'm nervous. It really does not help when people make fun of the Clemson. When people make fun of it, it brings us all those fears. I know that they're just joking, but please just give me time to get use to the idea of going there.
I'm sorry for getting frustrated with a couple of you last night. I just can't stand people looking at me with that look of pity. I don't know why, but it really really bugs me. So I'm sorry for snapping at you. Alot of things have been on my mind lately. My frustration before the game did not have much to do with my ankle.
I suck at pool, but it would be fun to get good at it.
I love spring!!!
Swing dancing is fun!!
Okay, umm... wow, I'm getting random.
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Praise the Lord!!! Sometimes, when things seem to be getting close to rock bottom, God shows takes me in His arms and whispers I'm here, I've been here all along holding you.
I was able to run today, first time in five weeks. It was wonerful. I found a beautiful, random, backroad with mountains and fields on both sides. I felt my stress melt as my feet pounded across the pavement. I couldn't have been happier. I will never again take for granted to ability to run.
Pool is fun. I really want to get good at it now.
I was able to run today, first time in five weeks. It was wonerful. I found a beautiful, random, backroad with mountains and fields on both sides. I felt my stress melt as my feet pounded across the pavement. I couldn't have been happier. I will never again take for granted to ability to run.
Pool is fun. I really want to get good at it now.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Behind Blue Eyes
Smiling, confident, outgoing
~Do they see the fear in my eyes, are they so
decieving?~
I'm doing good.
~This time I cannot disguise
all the doubt I'm feeling.~
How are you? I wanted to say everything, the truth. I'm alright.
~I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is there anybody here I know?
Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone.~
How does one work up the courage to say: "I'm terrified."
~Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind.~
But I just turned and walked away.
~And if I can I'll pretend I'm alright all by myself
If you love me as I am I'll put my pride on the
shelf.
If I can I'll pretend I'm alright all by myself
I'd rather drown than take your hand, its the
way I am.~
Please don't give up on me yet.
Smiling, confident, outgoing
~Do they see the fear in my eyes, are they so
decieving?~
I'm doing good.
~This time I cannot disguise
all the doubt I'm feeling.~
How are you? I wanted to say everything, the truth. I'm alright.
~I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is there anybody here I know?
Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone.~
How does one work up the courage to say: "I'm terrified."
~Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind.~
But I just turned and walked away.
~And if I can I'll pretend I'm alright all by myself
If you love me as I am I'll put my pride on the
shelf.
If I can I'll pretend I'm alright all by myself
I'd rather drown than take your hand, its the
way I am.~
Please don't give up on me yet.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Wow, its been a long time since I posted. l've had so many different things flying around my head and I couln't seem to be able to catch them long enough to write them down.
Sit down
Read blogs
Log into Blogger
Click on Ramblings of a Wandering Luneys
Stare at the blank page and blinking cursor
X out of the page
Sign off the computer
I'm stressed. It's annoying cause I can't sleep. Ugh. I so am not a fun person to be around when I'm tired.
Ugh, somedays I really hate the way I am.
Not making much sense? Course not. Do I care? Absolutely not.
Gotta love friends who put things back into perspective.
Yes, I've said that before. But it is soo true. Friends who will speak truth even when its not comfortable. Friends who always got your back. Yea, they are the ones who keep me going.
Too much, no time.
Fear
Worry
Pain
Stress
People
Care
Friends
Truth
Lies
Lost
Spinning
Confusion
Where? Who? Why? Am I. Do I.
Fear
Sit down
Read blogs
Log into Blogger
Click on Ramblings of a Wandering Luneys
Stare at the blank page and blinking cursor
X out of the page
Sign off the computer
I'm stressed. It's annoying cause I can't sleep. Ugh. I so am not a fun person to be around when I'm tired.
Ugh, somedays I really hate the way I am.
Not making much sense? Course not. Do I care? Absolutely not.
Gotta love friends who put things back into perspective.
Yes, I've said that before. But it is soo true. Friends who will speak truth even when its not comfortable. Friends who always got your back. Yea, they are the ones who keep me going.
Too much, no time.
Fear
Worry
Pain
Stress
People
Care
Friends
Truth
Lies
Lost
Spinning
Confusion
Where? Who? Why? Am I. Do I.
Fear
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Hmm...Blank page....so much potential; then I remember my complete inability to manpulate the English language to do what I want. Hmm...maybe I'll move to another country so I can blame my lack of good grammar and eloquence on not knowing the language. Ah, I digress.
I did have something to write. But after reading an e-mail I decided not to. You gotta love friends who help put things back into perspective.
I had a great trail ride today. Beautiful weather.
I did have something to write. But after reading an e-mail I decided not to. You gotta love friends who help put things back into perspective.
I had a great trail ride today. Beautiful weather.
Friday, April 02, 2004
The pressure is building I want to break away
Motivation is lacking the point starts to fade
I look to my bottom still empty still the same
I'm waiting for something to show me the way
To the path that I should take
It's just too real to go ahead and fake
Every step that I make
Name your price I would give anything I would give anything
I want to start over again
to the path that I should take
It's just too real to go ahead and fake
Every step that I make
Name your price I would give anything I would give anything
I want to start over again
Name your price cause I don't feel so right
Am I the only one?
-"New Begining" by Trapt
Motivation is lacking the point starts to fade
I look to my bottom still empty still the same
I'm waiting for something to show me the way
To the path that I should take
It's just too real to go ahead and fake
Every step that I make
Name your price I would give anything I would give anything
I want to start over again
to the path that I should take
It's just too real to go ahead and fake
Every step that I make
Name your price I would give anything I would give anything
I want to start over again
Name your price cause I don't feel so right
Am I the only one?
-"New Begining" by Trapt
