Ramblings of a Wandering Luney

*Big grin*
I've been happy today. Why? I don't really know. I did play soccer yesterday in a white skirt and blouse with Sarah calling me omish cause of my sneakers and her boyfriend laughing. I did shoot on an empty goal in business clothes during my lunch break today. I did attempt to go running before work on Monday, and my muscles definitely didn't respond. I did work the teller line both yesterday and today, and today I did read 60 pages of Roxanne by Defoe because there were so few customers. I did make a bannana bread last night and a chocolate caramel cheese cake today. I did mean to start every sentence with I did.

What's been on my mind? Not that you were actually thinking that....

What is it like to live as though I am dead but alive in Christ? How does that affect the way I live and think?
Is my major really what I want to spend the rest of my life doing? What is this life all about? In light of that, how should I be living?
Realizing all the hard stuff people go through and learning how to support them even if Ionly meet them once for 15 minutes and how you support those I know well.
Why...? (yea..I'll stop here)

I really do want to hang out with people here more, but they always meet in Asheville and by the time I'm out of work I'm so tired. And I've been working out towards Flat Rock, so that's a nasty drive from there to Asheville, but hopefully I start getting out with people soon. I'm still hoping to go down to Clemson some weekend to visit DCF. My online class started today. I'm regreting signing up for this course already, but that's okay. Maybe it'll be like the job, I'll learn to deal with it and it won't be terrible.

I always quote this song but it's been in my head all day and so true:
"Life's a dance,
you learn as you go
sometimes you lead
and sometimes you follow
Doesn't matter what you don't know
Life's a dance you learn as you go."

Speaking of dancing, dancing is fun!! I really want to become good at it. Becoming good at it will be a challenge with me cause, yea, I'm bad at it, lol. Zero on the rhythme scale. But that's okay as long as whoever I'm dancing with is patient. Well, I promised my co workers I'd make them bannana bread. Good night!!!

Its been a great weekend!! I couldn't have been happier when I got a call that Matthew and Cynthia were coming up for the weekend. Hanging out, hiking, horseback riding, goofing off, definetly good times. Now I'm tired =-) but that's a good thing, a sign of a fun weekend. Haha, when I started this update I was gung-ho about updating, now I'm just tired. Have a wonderful sleep tonight!

I hate being at home sometimes!! Absolutely hate it!! Everything I do gets interpreted as I have an eating disorder. It doesn't matter how much I eat to prove to them otherwise. I hate feeling like they're watching everything I do. Tonight I went to go for a run and my dad went looking for me and made me go home. The neighborhood where I live is a tiny neighborhood where everyone's known eachother for years and everyone has flood lights. I use to run after dark in high school and it never seemed to bother him. He's been so paranoid with everything I do lately! Well I need to go to bed, cause I'm getting up at 6am to finish my run tomorrow. Three months of this is going to seriously suck.

"Good afternoon, sir. I mean ma'am! I'm so sorry ma'am!" I laughed as he tried to cover his tracks. No, my hair isn't that short. I laughed not because I was being condescending nor because I thought he was dumb, but because I've been there. And I smiled as he blushed. Whew, what a day. Work was long and boring even though we got out early. I spent my lunch break wandering around downtown, and actually found some places I never knew existed. I smiled to myself at the strange looks I got: first for me walking around munching on an apple, later for walking down Lexington looking in the Ashevillian shops while wearing business attire. A sign caught my eye: Izzy's coffee. I had never been there, although I knew most of the coffee shops in Asheville. I had also heard my coworkers murmuring the day before about the owner commiting suicide. So I was curious and entered. By the time I left I was carrying the best chai latte I had in a long time and a free bumper sticker that read: Friends don't let friend's drink Starbucks.

I couldn't have asked for a better ride. I expected to be half dead right now after riding a thoroughbred who hadn't been ridden since December, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Not one crow hop, not one spook, he listened to everything I asked him and did it perfectly (as perfectly as his lack of muscle would allow). So relaxing, so wonderful.

Wow, I forgot I was posting because I started talking to a friend, then went to go make dinner. Wow. I made shrimp quesadillas tonight and they came out surprisingly good. Yay for becoming a better cook every so slowly. Sooo stuffed now. I think I've been eating too much lately trying to get my parents off my back, which isn't good. So frustrating. Oh well. Have a wonderful night!

It was weird being back at Grace this morning, but it was good at the same time. I miss the passing of the peace tradition at DCF though. I went out to lunch with Jesse after church to catch up on life. It was wonderful. We've known eachother for years, but this time we talked more and deeper than I think we ever have which was awesome. It was cool to hear about what God's been doing in his life. Later, I met Ian at Flecter Park to play soccer. No one else showed up so we did one on one, kicked around, and took shots for about two hours. It was wonderful playing soccer again. We met Jenn, Jessie and Holly for dinner at Panera. It was so good to have real conversations with people and see what was going on in their lives. Its weird missing a large chunk of the "usual" group. I keep using the word weird. But I can't think of another. I'll probably settle down soon enough.

Hey everyone! It's the weekend!! I don't think I've ever been so glad in my life for the weekend. You know what this job has taught me? I'd die if I went into business. But I think I'll survive the summer if I go into each day with a positive attitude (seeing that most of my coworkers go into the day negatively and are miserable).

Guess what I'm doing today? I'm going to try to get my hair cut for locks for love. That's ten inches folks! I'm nervous about it actually. I love having long hair and playing with it and what not. I havn't had it short in so long, and its probably going to be really short now. But then again, its going for a good cause and will be a fun change. I might have backed out if I hadn't already told so many people I was going to do it. That's kinda why I told alot of people, to hold me accountable.

My sister is home!!! Its so good to see her. But because of all that's gone on, my parents are paranoid about me. I understand why, but its frustrating at the same time. I already got sat down and talked to about not getting this and yada yada yada. I knew this would happen. What's worse is mom contradicts herself. She'll tell me I need to be careful of what I eat and that I need to cut back, then flip out and tell me I need to eat more and keep trying to get me to eat. Oh well, maybe they'll settle down as summer goes on.

I was so excited about playing soccer yesterday, then dumb work had to get in the way. I was sooo bummed about not being able to play. So bummed that I kicked around a soccerball in my work clothes on lunch break. Yea...this job is gonna kill me.

And to all you Clemsonites who say I'm addicted to coffee, its been almost a week since I drank a cup of coffee and I'm doing fine, so HAH. Speaking of Clemson people, I miss everyone there so much. Something happens and I go to say something that would have made since to people there, but I keep my mouth shut cause no one here would get it. Its almost like going through the same experience as I did going to college, except now its in reverse. Weird. It'll be interesting to start to get to know people here again. Maybe I'll take a couple of road trips down to Clemson or Greenville or Columbia on a couple of the weekends.
Much love everyone.

Hmm...nothing interesting enough going on here to warrent a post, but I suppose I will anyhow. Work has been taking up most of my life and energy. You think sitting on your butt all day would not require energy, but I'm exhausted by the time I get home. I push myself to run anyway, but I don't ever feel like calling people. I was glad I went to youth group tonight though. Once I got out (well, went there straight from work) I got energy. I forget I'm an extravert and get my energy from people. Maybe that's why work is so exhausting: I'm completely alone for nine hours. Youth group was odd. I guess cause its a different group and different leaders. Cool in a way, but sad also. Although there were some from the old group and it was wonderful to see them. I'm still struggling with being distant from my Clemson friends. Being torn between two places sucks in a way. Its was exciting talking to the seniors about their college plans, what they're looking forward to and what they're afraid of. So many memories...

I don't know how to express what's on my mind at the moment. Maybe it'll come to me later. I've been saying stuff like that alot lately havn't I? I'm sorry.

I made scones from scratch last night and they came out good!! I'm so excited about being able to cook. Yea, I know, I'm a nut.

Home. Its so weird to be back. I keep refering to Clemson as home. And yea, I definitely miss everyone already. At Clemson, I only got close to crying once, but as soon as I got home I lost it and balled. It was so hard to not start crying before than, so hard to not look like I was going to cry. Its weird to be here when most of the others are not back yet or not coming back. Ugh, three months is a long time.

I got to go swing dancing Saturday night!! That was so much fun. It was the first time I've let someone try to do one of the "throwing" or lifting moves with me. But he's someone I trust, so it wasn't bad. And after that, I felt comfortable enough to do it with my other friend who was there. We missed the lessons cause I'm a terrible planner and took us to the wrong place (I forgot to go back to Moe Joes and check afterwards to see if it did indeed say The Retreat on there and I missed it), but we got there eventually. Oh, by the way, if you like the movie Dirty Dancing, don't watch the sequel. Definitely not worth it.

It was my first day on the job today, well training that is. I was bored to the edge of wanting to shoot myself in the morning, but it was better after lunch. Maybe because I had a good lunch break. For lunch, I walked around Asheville for a bit. I forgot how much I miss the city in the summer. People walking around in typical Ashevillian garb, street players playing the guitar and bango stood near the iron on Wall Street, Old Europe was giving away free cookies, and the stores all had the doors open to the streets displaying the goods to be sold. I walked to the library to get my lunch from my car and ate it in the sunshiney Pritchard Park while watching the passersby. Lovely. The afternoon session wasn't quite as bad and we got out a bit early. But now for the next five days I get to sit staring a computer screen for eight hours learning the ins and outs of the company and taking assessment tests every day. But the other two girls who are doing it as well are fun and at least on the computer I can go at my own pace (ie faster than the woman crawled through the material today). The job will probably also get better when I'm actually getting to do it and work with people.

The last couple of days have been nice mother daughter time. Dad and Sarah are still in Chapel Hill, so Mom and I have enjoyed cooking and working out together. She'll be leaving for Chapel Hill Wednesday and come home again Friday. I hate to say it, but it will be nice to have the house to myself for a few days. Its strange living at home with my family again. Oddly enough, I'm also looking forward to having some time to go out and do yard work.

My goal for the summer: to become good at juggling a soccerball.

I really have started to post multiple times this week, just decided to delete it because either there was so much going on that I wanted to say and the post would wind up being a book, or because I decided that what I was going to say was best left unread by the ether.

Its going to be so hard leaving here; I feel so close to all these people! It feels like I've known some of them for years. I was watching Tara's screen saver today and a picture came up of us at a football game, and then of David holding Kitten. Was that really less than a year ago? Crazy. I am looking forward to seeing my family, seeing those of you who will be around, horseback riding, and I'm even looking forward to learning to cook more stuff and yard work. Crazy what ya miss.

I was playing the guitar today and it brought back so many memories: Iris, playing in the backs of trucks, playing on the streets downtown, Kelsey's voice... Remembering is bitter sweet.

So, I finished all my exams. Yay! They weren't too bad which is nice. I enjoy exam week because of all the spare time to play with baby birds, walk around down town, get ice cream/coffee/cookies, play soccer/tennis/run... speaking of running, Roy and I ran to Anderson County yesterday. I was proud of myself for being able to make it that far. Lately I've been running alone or with other girls, and I just don't push myeslf when I run alone and I don't even push myself as much wiht other girls. First, girls tend to not push so running is not usually hard. Second, there's something about doing anything against/with a guy that brings out my competative side. I just won't give up. Maybe it was growing up with people like Jesse, Jonathon, Danny and company....

Its been nice to have time to think lately. Discuss the rain (why the sound is relaxing and the sight depressing), language and worship in heaven, the basis of friendships/relationships, what is love and what makes it last, what makes art what it is, other cultures... I wish I could post on a bit of each, but that again would be a novel nor do I feel like typing that much so if you're really curious, ask me.

My sister is doing better, praise the Lord! She'll be home in two weeks. She was released from the hospital today. There will continue to be a threat of relapse and it still will be a struggle throughout the summer, but nothing like before. There won't be the threat of losing her. Thank you Lord for healing her and thank you for using this in the lives of my family and my life to change us and grow us.

I wrote a poem today, but stupid me I lost it. If I find it, maybe I'll post it. Or maybe I'll reread it and realize that I definitely didn't have enough sleep when I wrote it.

Good luck on exams! Have a wonderful week and enjoy every non-studying moment.