Ramblings of a Wandering Luney

Ever feel like you just aren't good enough no matter how hard you try? Yea..been feeling that this week.

Today has been the worst day I've had all semester. It's been hell. I woke up at 7am when my alarm went off with a pounding headache, but pushed myself to study until my 9am. Between classes I needed to print off a sheet to use to help me study but all the computers were full (including two computers people were not using but sitting at like a desk). I finally got a computer and the document and studied some more. Did it help? Nope. The test was so weird, layout nothing like I've ever seen, tricky questions with obscure information. So, I leave the test disappointed and go to chem lab only to find we did the homework from last week wrong (that has already been submitted), have to redo it, and hope that the TA is nice enough to take it into consideration. The lab was a disaster. We could not get the experiment to work, we were there over the time alotment and still didn't finish. Oh, and on top of everything else I have to do this week, I have a lab report due Friday. And they won't let me wear the goggles Amy used for chemistry so I had to check some out of the equipment room which were broken and have to make time to go buy new ones. Lovely, spending money on something I'll never need again. So, despite yet another pounding headache, I went to Fike to go for a run. That was prolly the best part of the day. I really enjoyed it. Came home, got my notes together and started to do the online part of my test. If I did well on this part, it can help to make up for the bad job on the morning test. You are only allowed access to it once. I access it, do the first question, click next and I get the blue screen of death. Reboot my computer praying it will let me back in (miraculously it does), go to hit next after the first question and blue screen of death. So, realizing that the first question was the same on both, I knew that it hadn't logged me out and that's why it let me back in. That means time is still running. With 20 minutes to do a 30 question test ,I had to move fast. I run upstairs, ask a roommate to jump on her computer and try to fly thru the test. I did indeed fly thru it and finished in time, but because of rushing I missed quite a few that I shouldn't have giving me a low B on that part of the test. In a class were a 93 is an A, this is not good news. Top it all off with a Palmetto bug in my room and my RS professor emailing us an additional assignment for tomorrow... it just hasn't been a good day. The week isn't looking much better :-( Weekend will be great with the international soccer tournament. They want at least 2 more teams to sign up though cause they only have 6 teams and they like to have 8. Man, i still can't believe how bad that test went. And we only have two tests and the final in the class. I really hope I can bring it up. I can't afford a B this semester.

Ok, so...I wrote this over the weekend and never posted it, just found it now. So this is from Sunday morning.

So...classes are definitely overwhelming me. I feel like I'm so far behind and can't catch up on work. I really have to make all A's this semester to get into the med school I want to go to. I dunno how that'll happen yet... Which got me stressed and my immune system freaked and I got a cold. But its almost gone now and I've been able to have a really relaxing weekend. I got some work done yesterday, but its been soo good to get away and emotionally recoup from the pressure. Hilton Head is beautiful allbeit hot. I'm glad it worked out that I could come. It been great to spend some time with Matt and also go shopping with his mom, brother and him. The more time I spend with his family, the more I relax around them. Today I'm going to the harbor with his mom. I'm looking forward to it, I haven't been to the Hilton Head lighthouse since I was a little girl. We heard the Clemson Furman match on the ready yesterday. I realize that i like hearing games on the radio, the announcers are really good and help you to see and the excitement in their voice gets you excited too. I'm so glad I came :-)

So...another monday. Not terrible, but kinda chaotic. I decided to sleep in an extra hour even though I had my alarm set to go to the gym. But, even with the extra time I still managed to forget my chemistry goggles and to wear long pants. I also forgot that when I wear the kangaroo shoes I have to wear higher socks or else I get nasty blisters. Eventually, I gave up walking in the shoes and spent most of the day walking around campus barefoot. It was kinda freeing actually. I'm behind in 440 reading and that was evident in class today, so maybe I'll take some time to get ahead this week. Lab wasn't bad. I like my group: two freshman guy and a sophomore. Two are clueless but one seems smart. I'm glad I have a group that is motivated to get the work done and not waiting for the rest of the group to do it for them.

Its weird, I feel lost in most all of my classes. Not like I dont' know what they're talking about (because their easy), but I don't know where the professor is going with it and why its important, and what the point of the lessons are. I mean, I could memorize straight theory but its hard for me to learn when I don't understand the objective of the professor. Maybe as the semester continues I'll understand it more.

Life's been good though, not stressful and enjoyable. Prolly that's why there's not awhole lot to say, lol. Its been pretty neutral. Last night I had an amazing dinner made by someone :-) Saturday went to the football game and talk to my parents for a long time. Friday I played soccer in the first time in forever. I had fun. I'm not very good, but its enjoyable sometimes just to get out and play, though usually I have to get dragged to get that far. Tonight I'm watching the Dead Presidents play frisbee! Should be fun. Wish I could play though. I hope to find some girls to play both coed soccer and coed frisbee next semester. Michael talked to me convincingly today to return to fencing. Not sure though. It'd be weird to have a person who I always beat in bouts as a "Coach" and having to "learn" from her. Maybe I'm just being arrogant. Who knows. I'd rather spend my evenings with people anyway. Its been nice working out in the morning cause I feel like I have more of a day. Ok, prolly should get some work done. Adios.h

Tierra mora hasta la eternidad,olivares, el jardin de Alá,son murallas a tu alrededor y en la Alhambra se oye una oración. Tan lejos de ti que tengo que echarte de menos,desde aquel abril no puedo olvidar tu mirada,me hierve la sangre, es casi locura,desde aquel maldito abril. Estribillo:Granada, tu brisa mezclada en aromas de campo, provoca mi sonrisa y recuerdos de un tiempo añorado; Granada.Aún me pierdo en la imaginacion,pero muero por volver allíy sentarme para contemplar un ocaso desde el Albayzín.Tan lejos de ti y no se me olvida tu encanto, desde aquel abril yo creo seguir embrujado, me quema la sangre soy alguien distinto, desde aquel maldito abril. Estribillo:Granada, tu brisa que sabe a jazmín y a romero, que son como caricias, el tacto de un dulce recuerdo. Pueblos blancos de pintura y cal,como oasis del desierto,espejismos en la sierra, son fantasmas en la oscuridad que ciegan mis ojos al llegar el alba.Como García Lorca, loco enamoradoque esta tierra vio morir. Estribillo:Granada, tu brisa de mar, ríos, sol y montañas, dejó abierta una herida de buenos momentos, que empañan mis ojos al darme cuenta, que sigo pensando en Granada. - Caja de Pandora

Ok, so the lyrics got squeezed together when I copy pasted them, but man that song mad me happy/very sad today. Its about missing Granada and talks about different places in Granada. It makes me miss it soo bad!!! I took for granted while I was there how much I'd miss it now, and now i just want to go back so badly. I asked the advisor today if my degree in physical therapy will work abroad. He said it depends on teh licensing offices of each country, that song will accept my school, some may require a couple of classes, and some may require me to relicense. So, I think I'll look at which countries let me come over with my license I will get here. It would just be cool to live in europe for a few years. I dunno if it'll happen, but its worth looking at in case.

So, during my year off I have to find a physical therapy place to work to help my chances of getting in. In a college town, that's not easy. But hopefully since I know now I can apply ahead of time.

Clemson plays Lousiana tomorrow. I'm going to the first half. It'll be hot!! but fun.

Not sure if I'll go back to Riggs, but i might.

I'm glad the week is over, I'm so ready for the weekend. I dunno know why. Its not like it was a hard week. Weird.
Hmm..I need to stop listening to spanish and snap outa this sad remenicent funk before soccer. Adios.

So, the internet isn't actually working that great. It keeps not working actually. It makes me feel bad since I am the one who convinced my roommates to get this wireless which is now working even less than the unsecured one we steal from. I'm also the one who is expected to find a way to fix it so the longer it takes to fix the more frustrated I know they are. I hope it can be fixed for good very soon.

I have had a complete lack of motivation. My classes are all reading based and I have never done well in reading based classes. I do much better with an assignment, then it feels like something is actually being done. Oh well, its probably a good thing to get use to now because I have no clue what medical school classes will be like.

Speaking of medical school classes, I was looking up more medical schools today. So...during next semester I'll definitely have to crack down and do a ton of diverse shadowing hours (since that and references seem to be a big determining factor) and prolly during my year off I'll need to work at a physical therapy office at least part time and pick up another part time job. I'm glad I'll have some time off though.

I feel a bit isolated being off campus and having a good number of my friends graduate and a couple of my friends married. But lately I've managed to see some people even if for short periods of time. That will probably increase as I relax into the schedule of work and become more efficent at doing homework rather than surfing the internet or playing solitare in between doing assignments.

I've been reading the book Rumors of another world and so far am enjoying it. Its a bit redundant but not terribly so. We're also going through Mark in house church. I tried Church at the Lofts last night and really enjoyed it. I would like to start going there instead of Riggs. Its smaller and the people are older and know more as a group. They are very friendly and welcoming. Not that Riggs isn't, but Riggs is just very big and tends to be all of the same age group, all the younger crowd so we tend to stay on the general themes. I guess I just feel like I would grow more at the Lofts.

Clemson won their first football game against FSU Monday night!! Barely... Hanging out with Matt and his roommates for the game was fun, even though I definitely was almost asleep by the end. I'm getting use to going to bed early and getting up early so late nights are not an easy thing for me.

Maybe I'll talk more later, right now all i can think about is all the reading I have to do for tomorrow :-( Ciao.

I get internet!!!