Ramblings of a Wandering Luney

I had a story I wanted to post here, but it got deleted. Oh well.

If you have read Age Of Innocence, I want to talk to you. The ending is driving me nuts.

"His whole future seemed suddenly to be unrolled before him; and passing down its endless emptiness he saw the dwindling figure of a man to whom nothing was ever to happen." Chapter 22, pg. 183 The Age of Innocence

"'What's the use? You gave me my first glimpse of a real life, and at the same moment you asked me to go on with a sham one.'" Chapter 24, pg. 194 The Age of Innocence

Anyone else notice the American drift toward trying to find a cause to their problems instead of trying to fix them? Like obesity, they say its genetic ot due to lack of stomach pressure or due to a lack of nurture as a young child or due to oral fixation or due to depression, whatever. It's crazy. I mean, I understand trying to figure out what's wrong if the person has a problem like that disease where they will even eat cardboard if food is not around. But people should not waste the time and energy needed for fixing what is wrong on finding out why. I am not saying this for all cases, but I was just reading an article today on new breakthrough on obesity. Great, another new excuse added to the already massive excuse list. Joy. Than, after trying to excuse away the problem, they look for a "quick fix". Instead of taking the method that has been proven through time and common sense, people think that a pill can fix anything. I love that ill will press cartoon where Foamy is talking to the British squirrel and the American squirrel at the coffee shop and the American squirrel is talking about all his pills. I mean, he's got a pill for everything!! Instead of just trying to control the impulse or whatever, people take a pill, than take more pills to counteract the side effects of the first pill. Than they sue when it doesn't work out. We have become a society that is throughing responsibility in the trash. ...Wow...I just lost my train of thought. Oh well, I think I have ranted long enough anyway (that's what happens when I try to post with ten people in the same room).

Most of you don't know my shy side because most of you didn't meet me outside my comfort zone.

Boy was I shaking today, in front of all those people. I hate it. What she had to say was really sweet, but it wasn't quite worth standing in front of them. Those staring, glaring people who did not want to be there anyway.

It's over. High school is done. Never again do I have to sit through a chapel, a Hagan course, a bible course being taught by the P.E. teacher, or take a stupid one of their eternally long exams. Ugh was that a dumb exam.

It was good though. I don't thi....*doorbell* ..."no this is how you do it", *door closed* ...nk that any of us could actually believe it was finally over. Or maybe it was just the whole deal of them sending us everywhere before we could leave. Go see the Ramseys, go see Kellum, go see Watson, go see Hagan. They seem to be able to make the smallest things complicated.

Good days can be ruined so fast. I had so much on my mind, I wasn't paying attention.... Oh well, what's done is done.

Now parties, yay!! Now flooded with relatives. Now pranks. I really wish they hadn't messed with the prank, oh well.

That reminds me!! The Kims were so funny today!! I was talking to them and I could have sworn they understood that I was telling them that their daughter was down the hall in the biology room, but they had no clue what I said. When I stopped talking they just had that cute foreign smile people have when they have no clue what you said.

Wow, more tangents came to my mind. When I get writing, dude, I write. Bad habit of mine. My teacher told me to write an story about a family with a kid with down syndrome. Well, I kinda got into it. Everyone turned in 5 pages, mine was 15. I want to buy that shirt: "help I'm talking and I can't shut up!" It's so me. Okay, I really will shut up now cause I have to leave. Toodles!

I wish I had journaled when I was a little girl. I look back on the total of six journal entries I wrote when I was little and am surprised. Little kids think a lot more than what they are given credit for. I found that I can learn stuff now from the entries I wrote than. Fascinating. Makes me want to journal. Reading it also gives a lot of good laughs.

What a day!!
Bible class Courtney and I went to Ingles and loaded up on food for the whole senior class to partake of while playing on the playground. What fun!!! I have come to a conclusion about the intelligence of some guys. They are like those bugs that see on of those bright lights, fly toward it, see their buddies get zapped by it one by one, and still fly smack into it. That was what this morning was like (although much funnier to watch). In the end, Paul has a very sprained foot, Stewart re-hurt his back, but by some miracle Logan still appears to be doing alright (although he was the only one to land on his feet).

The rest of the day consisted merely of forensics labs, Victorian lunch parties, and sharing our speeches. Quite a nice relaxing day (good thing cause I haven't slept in forever!!).

I dropped off some job applications today. Pray for me if you think of it, I really do like these jobs.

I sat in the doctor's office for a hour and forty-five minutes today, until long after the other patients were gone. Oops, I'm sorry Miss, I forgot you were there! But I wasn't mad. I read a magazine, did some crosswords, had a chance to think and breathe, and anyway, who could be mad at a person who dealt with cranky people all day long and was still chipper by the end of the day? Not to mention, the poor woman in a wheelchair was forgotten by the hospital and as stuck at the doctor's office for three hours before they picked her up. The whole time she was there she was smiling and trying to cheer up everyone around her. People like that put the small let-downs in life into perspective.

It reminds me of what Kelsey was talking about on Wednesday night, about the joy of the Lord. I'm not saying that I have to go around being happy all the time, but...I have no clue how to explain what I mean, lol. Maybe I'll try again later.

Wow, I just finished a 20 ounce coffee and I still don't feel awake. Shaking, but tired still. =-)

Wow.
The sky was awesome tonight!! I love thunderstorms, well, except when I'm on top of a mountain and have no clue how far it is back to the bottom =-) After everyone drove away, I stood out in the rain just starring up. Wow.

How many guys does it take to turn the gas on on a grill?

We stood on the porch listening to the car door shut. We stood upstairs listening to them come in the garage and fiddle with the door. We listen to the whisper and laugh. With could hear them breath and their footsteps as they climbed the steps. And yet they still believed they accomplished some great mission. Oooh, opening a door, that's just sooo hard ;-)

We need to go hiking every week. That was fun.

I want to go climb a tree. On the hike, I had the biggest urge to climb a tree. I think tomorrow I'll go tree climbing.

Why do I get the feeling alot of neighbors will be calling in the morning? I don't care, it was worth it.

I love cold crisp nights. I love walking in them, starring into the darkness. But than I turn back, not for fear of monsters or some unearthly thing, but the fear of those who drive by in cars. Its so sad to not be able to walk down the streets alone because of human nature.

Why God? Why have you spared me so many times? I should be the one dead. Why have you spared me so many times? With one word, one breathe, one thought, you could have kept her car on the road as you have mine. You created that tree and put it in that spot to complete your purpose, but why? I am the faithless one. I am the one who is apathetic, ignores You and I harden my heart. I have no talents to further the Kingdom like she had. She had strong faith, a beautiful voice, and a humble demeanor. She drew others to herself and You. She reflected Your love and glory. She should still be alive, not me.

It was time, Ashley. Your right, she reflected me, and now she is with me. She is happier now and more like me than she ever was on earth.

But why did you spare me? I'm hard hearted, apathetic, and botch up everything I try.

I use the weak things of the world to shame the wise. I'm will use your inabilities to reflect my glory. I created you, remember? I formed you exactly the way you are and put you where you are for a purpose. I called you. I numbered your days, and I'm not done with you yet. I am still molding you into who you will be. Your my daughter and I love you. When ill you realize the significance of my saving you not just from a mortal death but a spiritual one.

Lord, I am so dead to You, so lost, so apathetic. How me how much I need you. Show me my sin. Change me. I don't understand your purposes, but I'm here and ho I am for a reason. Help me to love you. Show me who you are. Save me from myself again. Help me to want to change. Help my unbelief. Help.

*Note to self* The review mirror is not for looking at the pretty scenery behind me. It should not be stared into, but glanced into.

*Second note to self* Do not drive while upset.

"An' why did my cousin have to die in that crash?
A good kid, only seventeen, I still wonder 'bout that.
It seems unfair to me,
Some get the chance to chase their dreams,
An' some don't.
But what do I know?

I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticize what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.

Why do I feel like you hear these prayers of mine.
When so many oughta be ahead of me in line?
When you look down on me,
Can you see the good through all the bad?
These just a few questions I have."
-Clay Walker "A Few Questions"