Ramblings of a Wandering Luney

So..its been awhile. A lot has happened I suppose. Said goodbye to people, which was fun but hard. I don't do goodbyes well, especially not with the people who will have graduated when I return. Next year won't be the same without them. Went trail riding with Sarah which was fun. It was nice to talk to her and spend time with her. Jud takes up most of her free time now. But that's ok, he seems to be a good guy. Matt came down for a few days which was fun. We did a lot of shopping without buying anything, lol. Sunday I felt like a broken record. Everyone asked me the same questions, and so I had to say the same answers over and over again. Not many people my age were there since I went to the early service so I could get home to help mom cook. But the music was really good and I enjoy Josiah's preaching. It was good to see people again, as hard as it can be sometimes. Cooked with mom then we went riding through all of the hay fields. I love it. Chico is such a great horse and it was a beautiful day. We didn't open our gifts that night since Sarah was out with Jud, so I watched a movie with day (Guess Who). Christmas I woke up early to make breakfast for everyone and we opened gifts around 10, dad and I cooked more cause mom got distracted. I ended up getting frustrated cause sarah and jud critisized everything I did. It sucks to work that hard one something just to get criticized. Jill and Duane came to dinner and it was a nice dinner. I enjoy being with them and the family. After dinner I finished setting up my web cam and talked on it some. Today has been mostly getting things ready to leave for Spain. My dad has really been stressing over it which gets me stressed. I dunno. I'm nervous, but excited, and sad. Having the webcam will help I think. I know teh study abroad director would kill me if he knew i had one, but I'm not telling my parents that. I'll get enough culture living there, talking on a web cam isn't going to kill that experience. I'm having a hard time leaving people though, especially Matt. I know that's going to be a struggle. But hey, once we're through this, what other big hurtle can be thrown at us? If we can handle this, we can handle most anything right? Hmm...I'm being more open than usually, probably not the best thing, but I need it right now. I need say I'm scared, excited, but scared. Working with the Red Cross will be cool. I hope my host mom is nice and that we get along. I hope I don't fail my language placement class and that I can understand my professors. I hope I make friends and find my way around. I hope I'll be able to travel some. I'm hope I"ll get along with the other girls. I'm sure everything will go well, and all those scenarios will be fine, but those are the things that have been on my mind. My family is going to drive me nuts with the do this right now and what if this happens and this must be done this way. I'm nervous and stressed enough with preparing stuff to go. Oh well, its only cause they're nervous and they love me. I'm looking forward to going down to Columbia. Maybe I can leave a day early. Its been only a couple of days and I'm already anxious to be down there? This could be rough. I should get some sleep so I can get up early and get more stuff done. Whoo. Lots of love.

Ok, so got a lot resolved and figured out that was bothering me. Very very thankful for that. I had a great night last night. I really miss going to those poetry readings, it was a really good one. The park in Greenville is definitely one of my favorite places.

I spent most of today just studying hardcore for an exam tomorrow. My hardest for this semester cause its the one I have to get the highest grade on. But I did get some breaks to hang out with my roomies Gina and Brittany which was great. David brought by cheesecake. Yum! I'm not usually a cheesecake fan, but I always really like his. I think its cause its not as cheesey tasting. They have a dollar coffee night and free doughnuts at the bi-lo coffee shop so the group of us went. The coffee was good and it was fun times. Back to study more. Sadly, now I'm too wired from the coffee to go to bed and I have a morning exam.

So...I found out they messed up a bunch of stuff with the program cause apparently they didn't approve it through all the people they needed to. Great. I've reached the point where I don't really worry about it anymore. I just take care of what I need to and assume the rest will fall together eventually. I'll take care of it tomorrow after my exam. Its weird thinking about leaving...it still feels unreal. 25 days left. Wow, I'm now counting in days not months...

This week is busy, but alot of fun stuff is going on, so shouldn't be terrible. I might go to NY over the break. Haven't told my parents yet. They won't stop me but I know they'll be a bit disappointed. But it'll be soo fun to see NY at Christmas, especially if we get to be there for New Years! We'll see if it works out.

Got a parking ticket. Go me. At least they're not expensive.

Ok, time to get sleep for my exam. Good night.

I'm not sure how much more I can take.

I hate how emotional I can get some days and so freaked out and frustrated only to realize the next day how big of an idiot I was being. Oh well. I'm working on it, so it'll get better. I feel like such a psycho being on medication. But if it helps, I'm for it. I start to get emotional (they say from all my built up emotion that I try to ignore), then I get frustrated and guilty for being so emotional (which are more emotions) and it spirals down from there. But through it I'm learning more about myself and how to change this and stop the cycle (I'm learning it, but it takes a bit of time before a noticeable change will happen they tell me). I just don't like getting that way, it doesn't feel like me when I'm emotional like that. I dunno.

The weekend was good though. Relaxing. I didn't do much except for hang out with people. Movies on Friday night, dancing and baking cookies Saturday afternoon, tennis, time with the roomies, time with Jess and Rus...I got to see her room. She has it fixed up nice. It was fun to get to know them more, especially Rus. Jess got really focused on her coloring so Rus and I got to just talk. I enjoy getting to know people, hearing about their lives and who they are. Jess was really hyper, which was hilarious for awhile, but then she fainted. She worries me with her fainting so much. Or she'll daze out and even snapping or waving won't cause her to blink, she doesn't move and when she comes too (with water) she doesn't remember what happened. I hope she's ok. Church, lunch with Brittany, two hour nap, missed fribee but walked over to the fields as they were ending to talk, reading, homework, made dinner for Jared and I...then the night got interesting...

Someone who I've been friends with the last three years, someone who I hung out with quite a bit but more on a surfacey sports level opened up to me on a real level. What was going on in life and real stuff and wants to meet for lunch. I couldn't believe it. I was excited to say the least. Its kinda sad that stuff like this happens near the end, when I only have two weeks left with the person, but who knows, maybe we'll keep in contact after the person graduates.

Another friend having a rough night stopped by and talked for awhile. I enjoy listening to people, and the person needed someone to talk to so it worked. I'm thankful that my last week isn't stressful so that when people are stressed this week I can be there to support them. I'll also have the opportunity to see people before we head out.

A fencer who has been wanting to hang out this semester but hasnt' had the time suggested lunch this week. So..lunch on thursday it is. I miss fencing and the people, but its kinda nice to have the time for other things. It was so time consuming.

Dropped off cookies for friend.

So basically, it'll be a good week, relaxing. Football playoffs. Yea.

I got the life scared out of me. I left my apartment just for a minute, so I didn't lock the door. When I came back, the door was open slightly and I knew I had closed it all the way. I open it slowly and call out "hello? anyway there?" I look down the hall and the first thing my brain registers is a figure, a male figure. I scream and jump, my hear raced as though it'd come out of me. A moment later I realized it was Matt who said he'd stop by and I collapsed backwards on to the sofa behind me to recover my breath and my heart rate. Yea..so maybe my facial recognition is a little slow...

I should have updated more this weekend, cause there is a lot more to say but I've already written a long post. So... I guess I'll call it a night. Buenas noches.