Thursday, April 27, 2006
I had a realization today as to how absolutely selfish and self-absorbed I've allowed myself to become. I mean, in the daily stuff so Honduras and youth ministry doesn't count. I mean in the daily grind. Even when I "do" something for someone else it has such selfish motives. I even talk to the lady who cleans our building less... I use to talk to her every time I saw her and baked for her a couple of times... but lately I find myself hoping I don't bump into her so I can hurry up to wherever I'm going. Compassoin, loving others, those use to be traits I had and people saw in me...Forgive me Father. Help me to change.
I hate being a girl sometimes. I wish I didn't cry so easy sometimes. Somehow when I cry I feel like I hurt whoever is around me.
But soccer was fun tonight!! Yea, there were a lot of people and at times it was more like kick-ball, but I felt like I played decently and was relaxed. I really enjoyed it and it relieved a lot of stress and what not. I also got to speak some spanish. Again, its helping me to feel a bit more excited about Honduras. Nervous also since I don't remember as much as I would have liked, but at least I can still speak it.
I tried playing a new computer game today...I have a feeling I could easily get addicted :-P
Today was a good day. It was relaxing. I had no class, nothing pressing. I even got to take a nap (which I rarely ever do). And I got to hang out with Matt (which is always enjoy) and Amy brought over her new kitten!! It was soo cute!! I was glad Amy came. I enjoy spending time with her. Sitting on the bench doing my homework, I closed my eyes for a moment and felt the sun on my skin and inhaled deeply (as much as I could with my nose as stuffed as it is), it felt good to be alive. I was fascinated by what I was studying too, so even the studying part was enjoyable. It was definitely a good day.
I hate being a girl sometimes. I wish I didn't cry so easy sometimes. Somehow when I cry I feel like I hurt whoever is around me.
But soccer was fun tonight!! Yea, there were a lot of people and at times it was more like kick-ball, but I felt like I played decently and was relaxed. I really enjoyed it and it relieved a lot of stress and what not. I also got to speak some spanish. Again, its helping me to feel a bit more excited about Honduras. Nervous also since I don't remember as much as I would have liked, but at least I can still speak it.
I tried playing a new computer game today...I have a feeling I could easily get addicted :-P
Today was a good day. It was relaxing. I had no class, nothing pressing. I even got to take a nap (which I rarely ever do). And I got to hang out with Matt (which is always enjoy) and Amy brought over her new kitten!! It was soo cute!! I was glad Amy came. I enjoy spending time with her. Sitting on the bench doing my homework, I closed my eyes for a moment and felt the sun on my skin and inhaled deeply (as much as I could with my nose as stuffed as it is), it felt good to be alive. I was fascinated by what I was studying too, so even the studying part was enjoyable. It was definitely a good day.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I open the door and the professor moves to block my path. "Sorry I'm late" and I was sincere about as well as panting from hurrying there.
"Don't worry, we weren't doing anything important. Just discussing economics and things pertainent to this class and the final exam. So if you feel like being foolish and wasting your tuition by being late that is your own fault; or if you felt like what you were doing instead was worth the tuition you paid than by all means go back to what you were doing. Was it worth it?"
"No sir," I mumbled.
"Ok, than since you claim to be a fool I shall let you take a seat. I know your usual professor wouldn't allow it, but I figure a fool should have a chance to redeem herself."
Gosh I hate when professors do that, single someone out. I especially hate it when its me...but it was my own fault for being late. I felt even worse because I forgot to take more cold medicine before going so I couldn't focus at all. I hope he didn't think I was dazing out on purpose. Then again, after tomorrow I'll probably never see that professor again. But...we do have name tags and there were only 9 of us so he could tell my professor that I was being "foolish" and since its an honors class and we're graded more on our attitude and attempt than anything else it could hurt..but I highly doubt it. So I'm not worried. Actually, I wasn't even that bothered by being singled out. My head was in such a fog that my only goal was to sit down.
The frisbee game was fun. We played our hearts out and never gave up even though it was 6 on 8 plus they had subs. I hope Meagan is ok. Once I woke up and got moving I enjoyed the running. And, I made some good catches and by some chance miracle some good throws!! Which almost never happens... (for those of you who have never seen me play, I'm not very good at frisbee).
Now I have basically nothing to do for the rest of the night. I finished everything that is due this week, so all I have left to do is study for exams....its just so hard to be motivated to study this far ahead of time! Oh well, most people are gone or busy so maybe I'll actually be productive.
Things that make people stare:
-wearing cleats and being red-faced from playing frisbee and going to harcombe
-Having blood drawn and wearing the cotton-ball and tape over your vein in the library.
-Tripping in falling on your face (literally).
"Don't worry, we weren't doing anything important. Just discussing economics and things pertainent to this class and the final exam. So if you feel like being foolish and wasting your tuition by being late that is your own fault; or if you felt like what you were doing instead was worth the tuition you paid than by all means go back to what you were doing. Was it worth it?"
"No sir," I mumbled.
"Ok, than since you claim to be a fool I shall let you take a seat. I know your usual professor wouldn't allow it, but I figure a fool should have a chance to redeem herself."
Gosh I hate when professors do that, single someone out. I especially hate it when its me...but it was my own fault for being late. I felt even worse because I forgot to take more cold medicine before going so I couldn't focus at all. I hope he didn't think I was dazing out on purpose. Then again, after tomorrow I'll probably never see that professor again. But...we do have name tags and there were only 9 of us so he could tell my professor that I was being "foolish" and since its an honors class and we're graded more on our attitude and attempt than anything else it could hurt..but I highly doubt it. So I'm not worried. Actually, I wasn't even that bothered by being singled out. My head was in such a fog that my only goal was to sit down.
The frisbee game was fun. We played our hearts out and never gave up even though it was 6 on 8 plus they had subs. I hope Meagan is ok. Once I woke up and got moving I enjoyed the running. And, I made some good catches and by some chance miracle some good throws!! Which almost never happens... (for those of you who have never seen me play, I'm not very good at frisbee).
Now I have basically nothing to do for the rest of the night. I finished everything that is due this week, so all I have left to do is study for exams....its just so hard to be motivated to study this far ahead of time! Oh well, most people are gone or busy so maybe I'll actually be productive.
Things that make people stare:
-wearing cleats and being red-faced from playing frisbee and going to harcombe
-Having blood drawn and wearing the cotton-ball and tape over your vein in the library.
-Tripping in falling on your face (literally).
Despite having to get up so early, today has been a great day. Physics wasn't bad. He read poetry he had written for the last 15 minutes of class. He's by far not the best poet, but I enjoyed it all the same. Not to mention its the last time I have to go to physics this year!!! I had to miss the anatomy review session since it is the only time I could go to Redfern. But the good news is: I'm over mono!! Well... she said it'll take another month to get my energy back to normal, but my blood looks basically normal!! Whoo!! She couldn't give me any medicine for my cold/allergies, but that was expected. I'll just go to the store and pick up more cold/allergy meds sometime this week. And..I found out the problems I've been having with my other medicine is easy to fix. So I have another appointment for htat next week to change my prescription. Yay for getting a lot done at one time. On my way back to the dorm, I decided I would treat myself to a latte. I was so tired and the warmth would help my throat. The weather was so beautiful, that when I got back to the dorm I just sat outside drinking it and talking to whoever passed by. Wonderful. Smile. I have my final lab practical today for anatomy. I havn't studied too much, but it shouldn't be bad. I really haven't been motivated to, and my head being in such a fog hasn't helped matters much. But I'm not worried. I have a high enough grade in there that it shouldn't matter (so long as I don't bomb the lecture final). Describing Honduras and what the culture is like there really helped to get me excited about the trip. I had been nervous about going and only lately have I started to feel more at peace about it. Now, after talking about it, I'm actually beginning to look forward to the trip. Knowing that my immune system is over the mono helps as well. Today is free cone day at Ben and Jerry's!!! WHOO!! great day for it because its insanely hot. We have our first frisbee playoff game tonight!! Whoo!
"Its a beautiful day..." The song fits today perfectly :-) Enjoy it!! Laugh, smile, dance, live, be fille with joy and praise Him who created the day.
"Its a beautiful day..." The song fits today perfectly :-) Enjoy it!! Laugh, smile, dance, live, be fille with joy and praise Him who created the day.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Ok, so today I remembered why I wear a dress when walking downtown alone even in the daylight. I don't understand some guys... My face did turn a shade of pink...
The service this morning was really good. Simple, but really it really hit me how amazing God is, how big His Grace and Power our and...wow, so much. I wanted to just stay in prayer for an hour. I ran out of things to say, but I felt His presence and love and mercy so strongly I didn't want it to fade. Confronted by the reality and massiveness of my sin nature and the reality and goodness of who He is and what He has done. It made it even more real when we knelt down while the description was read and than laid on hand on the person to our right when he read "peace to you". Wow.
It was fun seeing my parents. Dad said he was going to come alone, but mom wanted to come. It was fun having mom there (I love hanging out with her) but it would have been cool to just have spent time with him since I rarely get to do that. Hanging out with Matt's dad was fun too. I was glad I got to see him.
Man, I feel like I've gained five pounds over the weekend I've eaten so much, lol, but its been good food.
Ohh! We got to hang out with Pete and Amy last night! It was so good to see them. I wish we could spend more time with them. Thankfully, I'll get to see them again if I go to the fencer's dinner on Friday. I should probably go...
This week shouldn't be too bad. Anatomy is optional on Tuesday and canceled on Thursday, physics lab is over and I don't have to go to physics class on Thursday (so that means no classes for me on Thursday!! Any want to go hiking?). Tonight I finished my 402 project. Tuesday I have a lab practical which means I'll be studying for it tomorrow, but it also means that I'll only be in lab for about 45 min. Frisbee playoffs are this week...not sure how far we'll go, but it should be fun. Actually I'm hoping that we only win the first game, because the third game is during our house church cookout and I'd like to go... Yea, I'm a real dedicated player huh.
The service this morning was really good. Simple, but really it really hit me how amazing God is, how big His Grace and Power our and...wow, so much. I wanted to just stay in prayer for an hour. I ran out of things to say, but I felt His presence and love and mercy so strongly I didn't want it to fade. Confronted by the reality and massiveness of my sin nature and the reality and goodness of who He is and what He has done. It made it even more real when we knelt down while the description was read and than laid on hand on the person to our right when he read "peace to you". Wow.
It was fun seeing my parents. Dad said he was going to come alone, but mom wanted to come. It was fun having mom there (I love hanging out with her) but it would have been cool to just have spent time with him since I rarely get to do that. Hanging out with Matt's dad was fun too. I was glad I got to see him.
Man, I feel like I've gained five pounds over the weekend I've eaten so much, lol, but its been good food.
Ohh! We got to hang out with Pete and Amy last night! It was so good to see them. I wish we could spend more time with them. Thankfully, I'll get to see them again if I go to the fencer's dinner on Friday. I should probably go...
This week shouldn't be too bad. Anatomy is optional on Tuesday and canceled on Thursday, physics lab is over and I don't have to go to physics class on Thursday (so that means no classes for me on Thursday!! Any want to go hiking?). Tonight I finished my 402 project. Tuesday I have a lab practical which means I'll be studying for it tomorrow, but it also means that I'll only be in lab for about 45 min. Frisbee playoffs are this week...not sure how far we'll go, but it should be fun. Actually I'm hoping that we only win the first game, because the third game is during our house church cookout and I'd like to go... Yea, I'm a real dedicated player huh.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
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personality tests by similarminds.com
Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
trait snapshot:
open, tough, irritable, worrying, does not like to be alone, craves attention, low self control, emotionally sensitive, interacting, sad, very social, aggressive, prefer organized to unpredictable, dependent, social chameleon, suspicious, values the heart over the mind, likes large parties, outgoing, likes to make fun, likes to fit in, mildly phobic, vain, makes friends easily, enjoys leadership, clingy, rash
open, tough, irritable, worrying, does not like to be alone, craves attention, low self control, emotionally sensitive, interacting, sad, very social, aggressive, prefer organized to unpredictable, dependent, social chameleon, suspicious, values the heart over the mind, likes large parties, outgoing, likes to make fun, likes to fit in, mildly phobic, vain, makes friends easily, enjoys leadership, clingy, rash
About half of what I own is not sitting in a pile on my floor. My parents are coming tomorrow and I'm sending as much as I can with them. But, I did not realize how much dust had collected on my suitecase and a few of the boxes on top of my dressor until I attempted to pull them down and with them came a snow storm of it. Talk about allergy problems. The remainer of the day I have spent on the sofa trying to reclaim my head from the contraption which has been crushing it. I'm starting to do better now.
Lsat night was fun. I never expected to see Jessie there!! What a leasant surprise!! It was also fun hanging out with Greg and Courtney again. They're so fun. Baking cookies with courtney, threatening to kidnap me, mama clouds, and all sorts of craziness. I was glad Matt was able to meet us there, although I did feel a bit selfish. By the time he got there, the others were getting ready to leave...but I was so glad he came. Have I mentioned the park in Greenville? I love it there...it's so beautifulGood conversation where both sides learn is wonderful too.
Speaking of running into random people, I saw Lee at Fike. He helped me to realize how out of shape I am, lol. Oh well.
Tonight I get to see some friends who I don't get to see much. I'm looking forward to spending time with them and am so glad it worked out.
God is finally giving me some peace about Honduras. I'm still a bit scared, but not like before.
Well, i'm going to go find some throat losenges. Have a lovely weekend.
Lsat night was fun. I never expected to see Jessie there!! What a leasant surprise!! It was also fun hanging out with Greg and Courtney again. They're so fun. Baking cookies with courtney, threatening to kidnap me, mama clouds, and all sorts of craziness. I was glad Matt was able to meet us there, although I did feel a bit selfish. By the time he got there, the others were getting ready to leave...but I was so glad he came. Have I mentioned the park in Greenville? I love it there...it's so beautifulGood conversation where both sides learn is wonderful too.
Speaking of running into random people, I saw Lee at Fike. He helped me to realize how out of shape I am, lol. Oh well.
Tonight I get to see some friends who I don't get to see much. I'm looking forward to spending time with them and am so glad it worked out.
God is finally giving me some peace about Honduras. I'm still a bit scared, but not like before.
Well, i'm going to go find some throat losenges. Have a lovely weekend.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Man, its just so hard to get motivated some days...
Soccer was a lot of fun last night. There was a good number of people there (not too many that is). My family is coming in Sunday. I just saw them last week, but it'll be fun to see them again. I like it when they come down here. Praise the Lord the mouse project is over!!! Also, believe it or not i was able to exempt physics (curtosy of lots of help from Matt).
So life's been weird lately. Busy. I've been tired. The mono started coming back a bit cause I got stressed last week with a lot of exams and didn't get much sleep. But ice cream and soup helps a sore throat. Hopefully I'll get some rest this weekend. I know I wasn't a fun person to be around while I was tired and for that I'm very sorry. I havn't been wanting to be around big groups of people lately. Maybe its cause I've been tired, but its...I dunno. I'd just rather be around a few people at a time. So I've been pulling back and doing more of that. Hanging out with Tara and Josh for awhile, hanging out with Amanda and Tara, or Matt and David, and all. I feel bad because I feel like I'm neglecting people, but...yea.
I'm very glad the semester is nearing an end. I'm really reaching the end of my sanity with my roommate... I'm definitely looking forward to living with Brittany, Kalin and Gina in the apartment next year. I know, there are worse situations (sorry Matt), but she is driving me crazy.
Summer should be fun. I didn't really want to go back to Asheville, but I'm excited about working with the youth group and getting to horseback ride some. I miss riding. I love frisbee and soccer and fencing, but a part of me still misses riding.
Amy Brunson is coming back today!! Whoo!!
Next week should be really calm. My anatomy class was canceled, I only have to go to one physics class, I won't have physics lab....It should be good. I'm hoping to spend some more time with people before summer comes and get some rest.
I have the option to go sleep on the streets in Atlanta with The One, but I'm not sure if I should. Between still trying to get over mono and having an 8am Monday exam...it may not be the smartest thing. Also, learning more about International Health and stuff I'm realizing that even if The One does get the funding, its not going to have the impact they think it will. Mostly its a political and cultural problem. Alot more needs to change than just funding. But I still think the cause is worth it. Call me idealistic, but no matter what they tell me in those classes, I still think any amount of money donated could make a difference. It may not make a large scale one, one they consider "significant", but I believe that if it helps one or two people its worth it. So that's why I'd do it despite what I've been taught. Oh well. I should probably attempt to get some work done so I can relax this weekend... Have a lovely weekend.
Soccer was a lot of fun last night. There was a good number of people there (not too many that is). My family is coming in Sunday. I just saw them last week, but it'll be fun to see them again. I like it when they come down here. Praise the Lord the mouse project is over!!! Also, believe it or not i was able to exempt physics (curtosy of lots of help from Matt).
So life's been weird lately. Busy. I've been tired. The mono started coming back a bit cause I got stressed last week with a lot of exams and didn't get much sleep. But ice cream and soup helps a sore throat. Hopefully I'll get some rest this weekend. I know I wasn't a fun person to be around while I was tired and for that I'm very sorry. I havn't been wanting to be around big groups of people lately. Maybe its cause I've been tired, but its...I dunno. I'd just rather be around a few people at a time. So I've been pulling back and doing more of that. Hanging out with Tara and Josh for awhile, hanging out with Amanda and Tara, or Matt and David, and all. I feel bad because I feel like I'm neglecting people, but...yea.
I'm very glad the semester is nearing an end. I'm really reaching the end of my sanity with my roommate... I'm definitely looking forward to living with Brittany, Kalin and Gina in the apartment next year. I know, there are worse situations (sorry Matt), but she is driving me crazy.
Summer should be fun. I didn't really want to go back to Asheville, but I'm excited about working with the youth group and getting to horseback ride some. I miss riding. I love frisbee and soccer and fencing, but a part of me still misses riding.
Amy Brunson is coming back today!! Whoo!!
Next week should be really calm. My anatomy class was canceled, I only have to go to one physics class, I won't have physics lab....It should be good. I'm hoping to spend some more time with people before summer comes and get some rest.
I have the option to go sleep on the streets in Atlanta with The One, but I'm not sure if I should. Between still trying to get over mono and having an 8am Monday exam...it may not be the smartest thing. Also, learning more about International Health and stuff I'm realizing that even if The One does get the funding, its not going to have the impact they think it will. Mostly its a political and cultural problem. Alot more needs to change than just funding. But I still think the cause is worth it. Call me idealistic, but no matter what they tell me in those classes, I still think any amount of money donated could make a difference. It may not make a large scale one, one they consider "significant", but I believe that if it helps one or two people its worth it. So that's why I'd do it despite what I've been taught. Oh well. I should probably attempt to get some work done so I can relax this weekend... Have a lovely weekend.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
"So where do you two know eachother from?"
Laughter.
"Um...we go way back."
Yea, I suppose we look like kinda a mismatched pair on the outside, but once you get to know us we're a lot more alike than you think. At least I think we still are... if we had the time to hang out for awhile again... Man its been so long...
I felt bad. I didn't get back to her in time. I could see the disappointment on her face. It was good to at least see her again. She looks good. It was good to see him with her. He seems kind.
It was a bit overwhelming being there, but good. Kinda strange at the same time. I wanted so badly to spend hours with each of them, but we all only had a couple of minutes to spare. Seems that's the way it goes these days. Hopefully it won't always be that way. Hopefully it won't always be the weddings and (God forbid) the funerals that bring us all back.
I was glad I made it back for the passover service. It was really good. I learned a lot...not just head knowledge though, it really hit me and showed me even more the reality of Christ and the impact of what he has done. I had been a bit bummed during the week because I didn't feel I had gotten the opportunity to really prepare my heart for the Easter weekend. Everything was so crazy and stressful. I tried to settle myself, but it was so hard to just rest and focus on Him. So it was good having a quiet weekend to focus on Him. I miss that. Spending more time with Him, resting, talking...I dunno.
She second guessing. Three and a half years and she's second guessing... I guess its better now than never.
Man, I think I ate more in this past weekend than I do during most weeks. Ugh.
You know something? People ask me and reply too quickly. They don't take the time to realize its not as wonderful as what it sounds. They don't realize that it scares me; that I wish now I could back out; that I feel so inadequate (which I suppose is good in a way); that something happened last time that I haven't thought about much since, but now it makes me nervous...what if that happens again? I know, I need to have faith or something like that. Its true, as cheesy as it sounds and as hard as it is in reality.
I've been having a mono relapse over the last week. I can feel it. I'm just so tired and simple things wear me out. I'm hoping the last couple nights sleep will have straightened me out.
Laughter.
"Um...we go way back."
Yea, I suppose we look like kinda a mismatched pair on the outside, but once you get to know us we're a lot more alike than you think. At least I think we still are... if we had the time to hang out for awhile again... Man its been so long...
I felt bad. I didn't get back to her in time. I could see the disappointment on her face. It was good to at least see her again. She looks good. It was good to see him with her. He seems kind.
It was a bit overwhelming being there, but good. Kinda strange at the same time. I wanted so badly to spend hours with each of them, but we all only had a couple of minutes to spare. Seems that's the way it goes these days. Hopefully it won't always be that way. Hopefully it won't always be the weddings and (God forbid) the funerals that bring us all back.
I was glad I made it back for the passover service. It was really good. I learned a lot...not just head knowledge though, it really hit me and showed me even more the reality of Christ and the impact of what he has done. I had been a bit bummed during the week because I didn't feel I had gotten the opportunity to really prepare my heart for the Easter weekend. Everything was so crazy and stressful. I tried to settle myself, but it was so hard to just rest and focus on Him. So it was good having a quiet weekend to focus on Him. I miss that. Spending more time with Him, resting, talking...I dunno.
She second guessing. Three and a half years and she's second guessing... I guess its better now than never.
Man, I think I ate more in this past weekend than I do during most weeks. Ugh.
You know something? People ask me and reply too quickly. They don't take the time to realize its not as wonderful as what it sounds. They don't realize that it scares me; that I wish now I could back out; that I feel so inadequate (which I suppose is good in a way); that something happened last time that I haven't thought about much since, but now it makes me nervous...what if that happens again? I know, I need to have faith or something like that. Its true, as cheesy as it sounds and as hard as it is in reality.
I've been having a mono relapse over the last week. I can feel it. I'm just so tired and simple things wear me out. I'm hoping the last couple nights sleep will have straightened me out.
