Sunday, September 24, 2006
Me duele el muslo y el dedo de pie. Pero estaba divertido. Me gusta jugar al futbol muchismo.
The whole wekeend kinda runs together... was pretty sick on Friday so curled up and watch Chicago and Forty Day and Forty Nights and started to watch House but got bored... cinnamon rolls and blue pancakes in the morning...hippie day didn't really happen...dominated UNC...playing football rocked, I wish we did it more and I wish that the Stank played at a different time than they do...NC State had an awesome end to their game...hanging out in the apartment and at Arby's with all of them was a blast but I ate way too much (I really need to stop doing that)...hanging out with him was good, its good to remember the strong friendship we have and how fun it is to hang out... cooking...napping...dcf...grocery store...soccer...
Good times. Its been a good weekend, had fun, got homework done, not even completely sleep deprived. This week should be good. Looking forward to hopefully figuring more out about study abroad.
Oh, ever have the feeling that a friend is angry with you and not wanting to show and so is avoiding you? Not fun. Every time I approach her she doesn't seem to want to talk and doesn't have to hang out and doesn't seem to want to hang out. I don't know why. I really don't. Am I that awful to be around that I keep driving away friendships? Actually....I think its more because of her closeness with another person who does not like me either... oh well. I'll just keep pursuing and hopefullly we'll at least get to talk about it one day.
Oh, Sarah broke up with Justin. Lots of different emotions in that respect. I guess the reason I'm saying it is just to ask you to be praying for her. Its going to be very hard on her and very lonely (since all her free time was spent with him) and her disorder doesn't allow for her to be stressed like that.
I got a 100 on my physics test!! But missed a whole essay question on my Determinants of Health Behaviors test because I didn't see it so I didn't answer it...Bah.
I'm in such a rut with all the study abroad stuff. I don't know where I want to go or where I should go. I hate decisions and even more I hate ones that I'll be stuck with for 5 or 6 months.
God give me wisdom and give me strength, most of all help me to love and be real.
The whole wekeend kinda runs together... was pretty sick on Friday so curled up and watch Chicago and Forty Day and Forty Nights and started to watch House but got bored... cinnamon rolls and blue pancakes in the morning...hippie day didn't really happen...dominated UNC...playing football rocked, I wish we did it more and I wish that the Stank played at a different time than they do...NC State had an awesome end to their game...hanging out in the apartment and at Arby's with all of them was a blast but I ate way too much (I really need to stop doing that)...hanging out with him was good, its good to remember the strong friendship we have and how fun it is to hang out... cooking...napping...dcf...grocery store...soccer...
Good times. Its been a good weekend, had fun, got homework done, not even completely sleep deprived. This week should be good. Looking forward to hopefully figuring more out about study abroad.
Oh, ever have the feeling that a friend is angry with you and not wanting to show and so is avoiding you? Not fun. Every time I approach her she doesn't seem to want to talk and doesn't have to hang out and doesn't seem to want to hang out. I don't know why. I really don't. Am I that awful to be around that I keep driving away friendships? Actually....I think its more because of her closeness with another person who does not like me either... oh well. I'll just keep pursuing and hopefullly we'll at least get to talk about it one day.
Oh, Sarah broke up with Justin. Lots of different emotions in that respect. I guess the reason I'm saying it is just to ask you to be praying for her. Its going to be very hard on her and very lonely (since all her free time was spent with him) and her disorder doesn't allow for her to be stressed like that.
I got a 100 on my physics test!! But missed a whole essay question on my Determinants of Health Behaviors test because I didn't see it so I didn't answer it...Bah.
I'm in such a rut with all the study abroad stuff. I don't know where I want to go or where I should go. I hate decisions and even more I hate ones that I'll be stuck with for 5 or 6 months.
God give me wisdom and give me strength, most of all help me to love and be real.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Ugh, very stresfull and emotional day. I was hoping to being able to get some of it out playing soccer..but that fell through. Probably the best thing would be to stay away from people so I don't act out on my stress...but people are always around. Oh well.
So one part of that stress is that things for next semester keep getting complicated. I'm almost to the point where I don't care anymore. I wish things were actually set up.
Help her God, give her strength.
So one part of that stress is that things for next semester keep getting complicated. I'm almost to the point where I don't care anymore. I wish things were actually set up.
Help her God, give her strength.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
I enjoy shadowing, which is good because at the end of an already long day, if I didn't like it I definitely would never get any hours in. The woman I shadow with is really nice, and the people who come in are fun to talk to. I'm realizing that its not just a good job for me because of the medical side, but I love hearing the people talk (and people really like to talk when they come in). I get to hear about they're life stories and what's going on for them and I enjoy it. But there is still that draw in the back of my mind, that voice that says I should so missions or medical missions or red cross. I don't know. I figure if I go for the physical therapy thing, I can always go into missions after, but it'd be a lot harder to go the other way around. The only thing I can do is go one step at time and trust God to lead me.
Ok, I know I should just relax about the study abroad stuff, but its stressing me out having nothing settled and the deadline is fast approaching and now only a couple of weeks away. Grrr.
Helping hands was fun. I was surprised the kids remembered me. The kids remind me of the Honduran orphans: they love attention and to be touched. I guess that's an intergral part of what it is to be human, and both the Honduran orphans and those children do not have families to give that contact and love to them so they seek it out more and that's why they seem more that way than other children, maybe?
Soccer game: 1-0 we beat UNC. Heck yea. Clemson football won too, even after messing up badly first half. Good times hanging out with people.
I know how to change a tire now!! And I know a lot more about brakes. Its so cool watching him work and learning about it. Its all so new that it fascinates me. Kinda scary though how bad those brakes were...
Had some good girl time and a good long talk with my Dad this afternoon. Got some homework done, but not near as much as I needed to. I'm just not feeling motivated... We creamed the other team in soccer. I played badly most of the game until near the end. Matt stayed after and drilled me.
Yea...I get frustrated when I feel like I'm failing at learning what should be an easy task. Its not that I'm miserable, just frustrated. Once I work through it for a bit, I'm happy even if I don't completely get it. Its just while doing it that's rough and I have to push myself through it and not let myself get pulled down by the frustration. Happened in horseback riding, happens in soccer, happens in fencing...yea. Thankfully I believe the ability to put up with me in those moments is a European trait. My riding instructor in high school was British. She was strict, but she wouldn't let me give up and wouldn't let me take the easy route. She was also good at picking up on when I let mental games get in the way. He's British too and was so patient with me and kind. I truely don't know how people put up with me when I get like that.
This is going to be a busy week: project, two tests, homework, translating at the clinic, shadowing at the other clinic, meetings... I'm glad I got to spend time with people over the weekend because there probably won't be much time this week. Physics test is this week :-( I'm gonna die. Next week's spanish test will be fun to study for though. I probably should stop procrastinating and get to work. Have a wonderful night.
Ok, I know I should just relax about the study abroad stuff, but its stressing me out having nothing settled and the deadline is fast approaching and now only a couple of weeks away. Grrr.
Helping hands was fun. I was surprised the kids remembered me. The kids remind me of the Honduran orphans: they love attention and to be touched. I guess that's an intergral part of what it is to be human, and both the Honduran orphans and those children do not have families to give that contact and love to them so they seek it out more and that's why they seem more that way than other children, maybe?
Soccer game: 1-0 we beat UNC. Heck yea. Clemson football won too, even after messing up badly first half. Good times hanging out with people.
I know how to change a tire now!! And I know a lot more about brakes. Its so cool watching him work and learning about it. Its all so new that it fascinates me. Kinda scary though how bad those brakes were...
Had some good girl time and a good long talk with my Dad this afternoon. Got some homework done, but not near as much as I needed to. I'm just not feeling motivated... We creamed the other team in soccer. I played badly most of the game until near the end. Matt stayed after and drilled me.
Yea...I get frustrated when I feel like I'm failing at learning what should be an easy task. Its not that I'm miserable, just frustrated. Once I work through it for a bit, I'm happy even if I don't completely get it. Its just while doing it that's rough and I have to push myself through it and not let myself get pulled down by the frustration. Happened in horseback riding, happens in soccer, happens in fencing...yea. Thankfully I believe the ability to put up with me in those moments is a European trait. My riding instructor in high school was British. She was strict, but she wouldn't let me give up and wouldn't let me take the easy route. She was also good at picking up on when I let mental games get in the way. He's British too and was so patient with me and kind. I truely don't know how people put up with me when I get like that.
This is going to be a busy week: project, two tests, homework, translating at the clinic, shadowing at the other clinic, meetings... I'm glad I got to spend time with people over the weekend because there probably won't be much time this week. Physics test is this week :-( I'm gonna die. Next week's spanish test will be fun to study for though. I probably should stop procrastinating and get to work. Have a wonderful night.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Whew, survived the first two tests of the semester. Now I have at least one test a week until Thanksgiving. At least they're spread out.
It was good to hang out with Amy and get to talk about...well...everything over lunch. I'm going to miss her but I know she'll love it in Scotland. After lunch she had to swing by the study abroad office. Since we were there I decided to ask a couple of questions myself. My advisor still hasn't gotten any information to the abroad office about Spain or even the list of possible classes together...lovely. I asked them about Argentina and he gave me the name of the woman to e-mail about it. Come to find out, a second L&IH person studied abroad last semester (despite our advisor saying only one person had gone to Mexico) and had studied in Argentina. He didn't do his internship there, but he said the person show's address he had given me might be able to help me find one. If a L&IH major had already been there, then they must have the classes I need. I e-mailed my advisor just to see what she would say and asked: Is argentina an option for study abroad? I heard a L&IH major went last year. She replied it was not an option (basically on the bounds that she hadn't set it up). I dunno, I'm beginning to not trust her very much and time is running out.
Its so nice having an apartment where people feel comfortable to come by. Courtney, David, Matt and Amy all spent some time here this afternoon.
I worked on physics some...I think I understood the first couple of problems which made me happy. Physics to my brain is like yoga to a sumo wrestler...my brain doesn't bend that way.
I'm suppose to share tonight about Honduras. I really don't know what to say even though I've been thinking about it. I just pray that God will guide me in whatever I do say. Its been cool though to read back through my journal (well skim, I wrote a lot about the culture there and local history).
I'm debating if I should fence this semester. I mean, I want to, but I have lab Monday night, House church Wednesday, bible study on thursday, so there is really only one day I week I could do it: Tuesdays and men's soccer plays on Tuesdays. So i'm not sure if its worth paying $40 to fence one day a week, nor am I sure that i'd be able to practice enough to do decent in tournaments. It'd suck to pay all the tournament fees just to get completely creamed 5-0 every bout. I dunno.
It was good to hang out with Amy and get to talk about...well...everything over lunch. I'm going to miss her but I know she'll love it in Scotland. After lunch she had to swing by the study abroad office. Since we were there I decided to ask a couple of questions myself. My advisor still hasn't gotten any information to the abroad office about Spain or even the list of possible classes together...lovely. I asked them about Argentina and he gave me the name of the woman to e-mail about it. Come to find out, a second L&IH person studied abroad last semester (despite our advisor saying only one person had gone to Mexico) and had studied in Argentina. He didn't do his internship there, but he said the person show's address he had given me might be able to help me find one. If a L&IH major had already been there, then they must have the classes I need. I e-mailed my advisor just to see what she would say and asked: Is argentina an option for study abroad? I heard a L&IH major went last year. She replied it was not an option (basically on the bounds that she hadn't set it up). I dunno, I'm beginning to not trust her very much and time is running out.
Its so nice having an apartment where people feel comfortable to come by. Courtney, David, Matt and Amy all spent some time here this afternoon.
I worked on physics some...I think I understood the first couple of problems which made me happy. Physics to my brain is like yoga to a sumo wrestler...my brain doesn't bend that way.
I'm suppose to share tonight about Honduras. I really don't know what to say even though I've been thinking about it. I just pray that God will guide me in whatever I do say. Its been cool though to read back through my journal (well skim, I wrote a lot about the culture there and local history).
I'm debating if I should fence this semester. I mean, I want to, but I have lab Monday night, House church Wednesday, bible study on thursday, so there is really only one day I week I could do it: Tuesdays and men's soccer plays on Tuesdays. So i'm not sure if its worth paying $40 to fence one day a week, nor am I sure that i'd be able to practice enough to do decent in tournaments. It'd suck to pay all the tournament fees just to get completely creamed 5-0 every bout. I dunno.
Great...I just got a GRE reminder...I forgot I am taking that in October... At least he sent me a free preparation thingy along with it.
Oh! Argentina is now a possible option for studying abroad! It would be just Chelsea and I going there. Its so beautiful there! Argentina or Granada, Spain are my top choices but they are also the least organized choices. I'll probably go talk to my advisor again today and see if she knows more. Only a couple more weeks before I have to apply for my Visa!!
Guess what?! Grandma's scan came back clean!! No cancer!! Even the doctor is amazed.
So I started to realize this summer how clingy I was but didn't really do anything about it... now I'm realizing it again... I don't really know what to do about it, but I guess trying to be more deliberate about giving more space.
I talked to her the other day. It was good, we needed to clear stuff between us. We use to be good friends beginning of freshman year then fell away... its good to see healing in that relationship. I've loved getting to know all these apartment girls better. I know I keep saying that everytime, but its just been so good. I enjoyed hanging out with Amanda yesterday too. There are still a couple of people who I want to hang out with but still haven't gotten out to see yet...
I haven't fenced. I meant to go back this semester...but just haven't gotten around too it. There's just so many things I want to do at that time of night that driving out, trying to find a spot, lugging my stuff in...just doesn't seem as worth giving up the other things for.
I shoudl probably go back and study more....even though i dont know how he could make it a hard test....adios
Oh! Argentina is now a possible option for studying abroad! It would be just Chelsea and I going there. Its so beautiful there! Argentina or Granada, Spain are my top choices but they are also the least organized choices. I'll probably go talk to my advisor again today and see if she knows more. Only a couple more weeks before I have to apply for my Visa!!
Guess what?! Grandma's scan came back clean!! No cancer!! Even the doctor is amazed.
So I started to realize this summer how clingy I was but didn't really do anything about it... now I'm realizing it again... I don't really know what to do about it, but I guess trying to be more deliberate about giving more space.
I talked to her the other day. It was good, we needed to clear stuff between us. We use to be good friends beginning of freshman year then fell away... its good to see healing in that relationship. I've loved getting to know all these apartment girls better. I know I keep saying that everytime, but its just been so good. I enjoyed hanging out with Amanda yesterday too. There are still a couple of people who I want to hang out with but still haven't gotten out to see yet...
I haven't fenced. I meant to go back this semester...but just haven't gotten around too it. There's just so many things I want to do at that time of night that driving out, trying to find a spot, lugging my stuff in...just doesn't seem as worth giving up the other things for.
I shoudl probably go back and study more....even though i dont know how he could make it a hard test....adios
Sunday, September 10, 2006
I guess I'll post a bit more since I don't exactly feel like starting on my homework at the moment...
Everything I plan falls through one way or another when its with people from Clemson. So therefore, I should never plan anything again. Wait..didn't I say that last time? So we didn't actually get to white water raft...we tubed instead. But that was fun. Got some food from home on they way back. Good times.
The party last night was fun, but I'm beginning to notice that I have my limits for large groups of people time. I can do it just fine for awhile, but eventually I need to either get away or spend time in a less packed area with just a few people. Brittany and Michelle are the same way, so we went for a walk. It was really good to talk to them and have some girl time.
Praise God! He took away the anger I was struggling with. I saw her for the first time in awhile last night. I am soo thankful to not have that anger inside of me; it was tearing me apart and I hated myself for it. I don't know what to do about the relationship though. I feel awkward around her and want to heal it, but she had told me to not talk to her about it. I don't know yet. Maybe I'll just let more time pass and see what happens.
I don't think anyone reads this anymore so I feel like I can be more open...cause now I'm truely only speaking to the ether. Ok, so there might be one or two of you left...but close enough to none.
So...I'm getting nervous. Its September, I have to have my student visa before the end of the month and they still have no clue what country they are sending me to. And, since I don't know which country, I don't know when I'm leaving or getting back, so I can't try to find a job for next summer or an apartment so I can start trying to change my residency.
I really enjoy spending time with him and am still crazy about him.
Tests start this week... I'm not as stressed as I should be cause the stress makes me actually do work. Speaking of tests, I should probably go study. Epidemiology. Its mostly statistics...boring.
Everything I plan falls through one way or another when its with people from Clemson. So therefore, I should never plan anything again. Wait..didn't I say that last time? So we didn't actually get to white water raft...we tubed instead. But that was fun. Got some food from home on they way back. Good times.
The party last night was fun, but I'm beginning to notice that I have my limits for large groups of people time. I can do it just fine for awhile, but eventually I need to either get away or spend time in a less packed area with just a few people. Brittany and Michelle are the same way, so we went for a walk. It was really good to talk to them and have some girl time.
Praise God! He took away the anger I was struggling with. I saw her for the first time in awhile last night. I am soo thankful to not have that anger inside of me; it was tearing me apart and I hated myself for it. I don't know what to do about the relationship though. I feel awkward around her and want to heal it, but she had told me to not talk to her about it. I don't know yet. Maybe I'll just let more time pass and see what happens.
I don't think anyone reads this anymore so I feel like I can be more open...cause now I'm truely only speaking to the ether. Ok, so there might be one or two of you left...but close enough to none.
So...I'm getting nervous. Its September, I have to have my student visa before the end of the month and they still have no clue what country they are sending me to. And, since I don't know which country, I don't know when I'm leaving or getting back, so I can't try to find a job for next summer or an apartment so I can start trying to change my residency.
I really enjoy spending time with him and am still crazy about him.
Tests start this week... I'm not as stressed as I should be cause the stress makes me actually do work. Speaking of tests, I should probably go study. Epidemiology. Its mostly statistics...boring.
I dreamed more vividly last night than I have in a long time... I dreamed I was back in Honduras with the girls. Belsi, Osiris, Tania, Kenia, Gladis... It made me miss them. Talking with the older girls: Amalia, Yohana, Yemi... and playing with the little ones: Nora, Dunia, Maria... I wish I could go back on the trip over Christmas, but I know I'm only going to have a couple of weeks before leaving to who knows where for 6 months (hopefully not 7).
More later I suppose because I have to leave. We're white water rafting after church today!! WHoo!!
More later I suppose because I have to leave. We're white water rafting after church today!! WHoo!!
Sunday, September 03, 2006
"Umm...I think the bug crawled back out of the drain...Ashley! Get a shoe!"
So, apartment life is still going well. I'm loving living with the girls, especially in the mornings.
Hmm..probably shouldn't have started posting when I was this tired cause I can't think straight enough to post...
Today I've felt at peace after struggle the last week with an emotion I couldn't rid myself of and was angry at myself for. I really want to seek God and love people because I feel like I failed last year in both those respects to some extent.
I don't know I don't know. I know I act like I know at times, but I don't. I'm really quite confused. Are you now confused? Yea...
Tigers won on Saturday!! Totally swept the other team!!! And the cookout before was fun. I loved having a bunch of people at the apartment. But even more fun than the cookout was pancakes at David's afterwards. I enjoyed just watching a movie (sorta) and playing cards (although it would have been nice to have the games on).
Bah, i have a few more things i want to say but really can't gather thoughts enough to say them without saying them wrong. so, i'll leave it at this for now and maybe write more tomorrow.
So, apartment life is still going well. I'm loving living with the girls, especially in the mornings.
Hmm..probably shouldn't have started posting when I was this tired cause I can't think straight enough to post...
Today I've felt at peace after struggle the last week with an emotion I couldn't rid myself of and was angry at myself for. I really want to seek God and love people because I feel like I failed last year in both those respects to some extent.
I don't know I don't know. I know I act like I know at times, but I don't. I'm really quite confused. Are you now confused? Yea...
Tigers won on Saturday!! Totally swept the other team!!! And the cookout before was fun. I loved having a bunch of people at the apartment. But even more fun than the cookout was pancakes at David's afterwards. I enjoyed just watching a movie (sorta) and playing cards (although it would have been nice to have the games on).
Bah, i have a few more things i want to say but really can't gather thoughts enough to say them without saying them wrong. so, i'll leave it at this for now and maybe write more tomorrow.
