Thursday, October 09, 2008
So, its been a long time, yea? Feels like forever since I've blogged and I don't know how long I'll stick with it. I need and outlet, a place to process... to breathe. Blogging does make me miss the old days sometimes and the old crew. But life now is good. Married, hoping to move to Spain to study interpretation and translation, two cute cats, decent jobs...Good yea? At the same time, I'm so busy I am missing the close connection of good friends apart from my husband. I miss having my group of girls I see consistently, not once every few weeks. I miss deep, real conversations, again outside of just my husband. I have friends, I just don't have the time for real, deep relationships. It feels like neither does anyone else I know right now. Besides, most everyone I knew has moved away now.
Its also weird, I thought it would be easier to "leave" my family when I got married. I never felt overly attached, but now that its fall I miss going home. I miss walking into the house and seeing the fallish way mom has decorated the house, I miss morning talks with dad and late night talks with mom, I miss riding and hiking and camping more often. Again, I love being married and having our own home, waking up next to my husband, but whenever I go through any stage of life, I'm notorious for feeling the loss of the last season of life. You know?
Which makes me think about what is to come. No matter where we end up, we know its going to be very different and far away from where we are. I'm enjoying the place where we are now, but I'm also excited about where we are going. I think its a healthy balance because I can live and enjoy now without fear of where we are going. Don't get me wrong, I get fearful at times. I mean, we're moving to who knows where in less than 3 months. I guess what scares me the most is that Matt hasn't had enough time to do his work here and apply for jobs. It makes me fearful that the time will come and we will have no where to go. But at the same time I know that won't happen.
Marriage. Marriage is an amazing thing. I do believe it is a way that God makes us holier because, in living with someone so closely for so long, we cannot hide our shortcomings and, in order to make it as a couple, we have to grow and change. I've seen big changes in both of us since we've gotten married (only 5 months ago!). Its beautiful, hurtful, challenging...and most of all points me back to the only One who can change me.
Time to focus on work before I get myself fired.
Its also weird, I thought it would be easier to "leave" my family when I got married. I never felt overly attached, but now that its fall I miss going home. I miss walking into the house and seeing the fallish way mom has decorated the house, I miss morning talks with dad and late night talks with mom, I miss riding and hiking and camping more often. Again, I love being married and having our own home, waking up next to my husband, but whenever I go through any stage of life, I'm notorious for feeling the loss of the last season of life. You know?
Which makes me think about what is to come. No matter where we end up, we know its going to be very different and far away from where we are. I'm enjoying the place where we are now, but I'm also excited about where we are going. I think its a healthy balance because I can live and enjoy now without fear of where we are going. Don't get me wrong, I get fearful at times. I mean, we're moving to who knows where in less than 3 months. I guess what scares me the most is that Matt hasn't had enough time to do his work here and apply for jobs. It makes me fearful that the time will come and we will have no where to go. But at the same time I know that won't happen.
Marriage. Marriage is an amazing thing. I do believe it is a way that God makes us holier because, in living with someone so closely for so long, we cannot hide our shortcomings and, in order to make it as a couple, we have to grow and change. I've seen big changes in both of us since we've gotten married (only 5 months ago!). Its beautiful, hurtful, challenging...and most of all points me back to the only One who can change me.
Time to focus on work before I get myself fired.
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