Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Break was pretty good overall.
I knew she was dying, but it still took my by surprise and was harder on me than I expected.
It was good to hang out with Dad and get to talk to him. Lunch was amazing, I love sea food.
Being with Amy was great. It was the perfect day for trail riding and the horses were very well behaved. I really enjoyed getting to hang out with her and talk to her. I'm going to miss her so much! She's definitely one of my closest friends here, my closest friend who is a girl. I was having a hard time with that this morning. That on top of being bored was a bad mix. No one was around to help me take my mind off it and there was nothing to do that could keep my attention long enough to help either. I really felt like I was going insane. Eventually I called up the camping people. I felt bad calling them and intruding, but I really needed to get out. It was good to see them. Goodbye party and House. I wanted to stay out and do something, but everyone was going to bed, so I figured I'd post for a bit. Nothing interesting really. I'm afraid to talk too much about my thoughts because I don't trust my thoughts. I wonder sometimes what's real and what's me just being caught up in the emotion of a moment. I do need to see a doctor though, a real one and not redfern. My heart has been doing funny things lately, which is normal for my family, but its never been this much for me. Makes me a bit nervous since I do sports. When the rhythm changes I get dizzy and my muscles feel weak and my chest hurts. I know its nothing, well...its what is normal for my family, but I want to make sure before I keep running hard with it. I feel so confused now. Talking with dad always confuses me. I love talking to him, its just not easy. Wow, this post sounds so depressive, but its really not. I don't feel like life is going badly or is that hard. For the most part its been very good. I guess the journal is the best place to talk about what's hard or bothering me. I dunno, I need sleep. I've been so emotionally unstable, maybe sleep will help. Goodnight.
I knew she was dying, but it still took my by surprise and was harder on me than I expected.
It was good to hang out with Dad and get to talk to him. Lunch was amazing, I love sea food.
Being with Amy was great. It was the perfect day for trail riding and the horses were very well behaved. I really enjoyed getting to hang out with her and talk to her. I'm going to miss her so much! She's definitely one of my closest friends here, my closest friend who is a girl. I was having a hard time with that this morning. That on top of being bored was a bad mix. No one was around to help me take my mind off it and there was nothing to do that could keep my attention long enough to help either. I really felt like I was going insane. Eventually I called up the camping people. I felt bad calling them and intruding, but I really needed to get out. It was good to see them. Goodbye party and House. I wanted to stay out and do something, but everyone was going to bed, so I figured I'd post for a bit. Nothing interesting really. I'm afraid to talk too much about my thoughts because I don't trust my thoughts. I wonder sometimes what's real and what's me just being caught up in the emotion of a moment. I do need to see a doctor though, a real one and not redfern. My heart has been doing funny things lately, which is normal for my family, but its never been this much for me. Makes me a bit nervous since I do sports. When the rhythm changes I get dizzy and my muscles feel weak and my chest hurts. I know its nothing, well...its what is normal for my family, but I want to make sure before I keep running hard with it. I feel so confused now. Talking with dad always confuses me. I love talking to him, its just not easy. Wow, this post sounds so depressive, but its really not. I don't feel like life is going badly or is that hard. For the most part its been very good. I guess the journal is the best place to talk about what's hard or bothering me. I dunno, I need sleep. I've been so emotionally unstable, maybe sleep will help. Goodnight.
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