Thursday, October 26, 2006
Ugh! So frustrating! The nurse I work with at the Wednesday clinic asked me how I've bene doing and I mentioned the panic attacks. She thinks I have a chemical imbalance cause there is nothing in my life that is really that stressful. I mean, classes aren't that hard or that many hours, study abroad stuff isn't terrible, nothing should be stressing me out. And its not always big things that cause it. Its dumb things like deciding where to eat lunch. I hate it. So she made me call redfern and make an appointment. She said they can give me medicine that will help stabilize the chemical imbalance. I hope they do have something, because in the mean time I might mess up all my friendships by being spastic and emotional.
Which leads in to the next thing. I wonder if it would have bothered me so much if I wasn't so emotionally already and already having these issues. Probably wouldn't have. So I should have just kept my mouth shut. I really hope he ignores the conversation and goes on as normal and doesn't let it bother him. It was really for my own sanity that I needed to hear he still wanted to stick with the plan and was just friends. But is that my own sanity due to this dumb imbalance? I felt like such a controlling bitch. I don't mean to be and don't want to be. I think it'll be so much easier now after talking to him to let go and not have any of it bother me. Because none of it should bother me. Its all normal stuff, I'm just being psycho. Whatever.
Running this morning was great. I really want to get up and do that more often. The getting out of bed part was hard, but as long as I have someone I'm suppose to meet to hold me to it, I'm good.
Sooo thankful for skipping my 8am. But the study abroad meetings lasted 2 hours and now I have to go deliver more paper work before going to work. Oh well. It looks like I'll have a $1000 scholarship which should help some. I'm also applying for another which would be amazing if I got. Things are finally starting to come together for that.
Fall break. Was hoping to do stuff with people but they all have plans, except for Amy Brunson, so I'll probably hang out with her for the break. It kinda stung a bit that not a single friend asked me to do anything for break. Oh well. Maybe I'll get some shadowing hours in and papers written. If Sarah's not busy I'll go visit her or something. It'll be good no matter what cause breaks are a great time to just let go of all the craziness and do something fun.
Which leads in to the next thing. I wonder if it would have bothered me so much if I wasn't so emotionally already and already having these issues. Probably wouldn't have. So I should have just kept my mouth shut. I really hope he ignores the conversation and goes on as normal and doesn't let it bother him. It was really for my own sanity that I needed to hear he still wanted to stick with the plan and was just friends. But is that my own sanity due to this dumb imbalance? I felt like such a controlling bitch. I don't mean to be and don't want to be. I think it'll be so much easier now after talking to him to let go and not have any of it bother me. Because none of it should bother me. Its all normal stuff, I'm just being psycho. Whatever.
Running this morning was great. I really want to get up and do that more often. The getting out of bed part was hard, but as long as I have someone I'm suppose to meet to hold me to it, I'm good.
Sooo thankful for skipping my 8am. But the study abroad meetings lasted 2 hours and now I have to go deliver more paper work before going to work. Oh well. It looks like I'll have a $1000 scholarship which should help some. I'm also applying for another which would be amazing if I got. Things are finally starting to come together for that.
Fall break. Was hoping to do stuff with people but they all have plans, except for Amy Brunson, so I'll probably hang out with her for the break. It kinda stung a bit that not a single friend asked me to do anything for break. Oh well. Maybe I'll get some shadowing hours in and papers written. If Sarah's not busy I'll go visit her or something. It'll be good no matter what cause breaks are a great time to just let go of all the craziness and do something fun.
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