Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Man, I had a whole lot to post on earlier, now I can't remember anything! Today has been mostly studying all day with a bit of watching Champions League and finally doing laundry. I did get to talk to Amy Bickett though! It was wonderful; I miss her.
I love the feeling of running, pounding away at what's on your mind, feeling the breeze, the heaviness in your chest, your muscles working...
I'm glad we don't stay in a large group for house church very often any more. I get a lot more out of the smaller groups. I was enjoying listening so much that I nearly didn't say what was on my mind. I was still trying to process my own thoughts too anyway. So many instances came to mind when they mentioned injustice. In the end I read the last couple of verses in Psalm 89. It just seemed to stick out to me. In all the psalms except one, David ends praising God (Psalm 88 he doesn't). But in 89, he is talking about troubles, taunting, and suddenly ends saying Praise be to God forever Amen and Amen. It seems to stick out so badly and not fit with the rest. You're speaking of injustice then suddenly praise the one who has the power to change things? It doesn't seem right. Flashback to almost two years ago, hearing Dad cry over the phone talking about Sarah and her heart problems. Admist the crying, I felt at peace. Somehow I knew God was in control and he had a plan bigger than what I thought should happen. He not only had a plan for what he was doing and my life and what he'd use me for, but for her as well. It felt almost selfish to demand something different. I'm not saying that is the case for all injustices, almost all we need to stand up for what is right and work to help the people, but at the same time we need to trust that God is still wise and in control, He knows what He's doing. Hard stuff. I'm really looking forward to working with the Red Cross next semester. That's probably what I'm looking forward to the most, so much that I almost wish I could go sooner...almost. I don't know what I want to do there yet! So many choices: work with people who have AIDS/HIV, help women and prostitutes, help children, help people who have been through trauma and catastrophes... I'm going to be praying about it until I need to decide that God will lead me to the place where He wants me to be and will use me. I'm excited! It reminds me of Honduras, of working with the kids in Asheville, of working in Mississipi and in New Orleans. I love it. It makes me almost stop pursueing physical therapy and just join the peace corps or red cross. But God can use me in physical therapy too. It was wonderful talking to a woman last week about her journey from being abused as a child to becoming a jehova's witness to now being new age. Journey through 6 marriages. She seemed glad to have someone to talk to who would listen. There is so much time during a physical therapy session to just listen and talk, so many opportunities there! And the job is flexible enough that I could still do short term mission trips or doctors without borders (medical missions). I dunno what I'll end up doing, but seems like a good option at least.
It was also wonderful getting to house church late. Walking into the dulcet voices praising God in an almost acapela manner (since the guitar was so quiet). Later, sitting in the walkway, listening, I could focus better there somehow. It was just peaceful.
God, make me more like you; grow me into who you want me to be. I love you and sense your love that is not because of who I am but because of who you are. Help me to love others, help me to see those in need around me and pursue them.
I met a girl tonight at house church who is a spanish major and whose older brother is my sister's age and bipolar as well. We're planning on meeting for coffee. Interesting what connects people.
Peace to you.
I love the feeling of running, pounding away at what's on your mind, feeling the breeze, the heaviness in your chest, your muscles working...
I'm glad we don't stay in a large group for house church very often any more. I get a lot more out of the smaller groups. I was enjoying listening so much that I nearly didn't say what was on my mind. I was still trying to process my own thoughts too anyway. So many instances came to mind when they mentioned injustice. In the end I read the last couple of verses in Psalm 89. It just seemed to stick out to me. In all the psalms except one, David ends praising God (Psalm 88 he doesn't). But in 89, he is talking about troubles, taunting, and suddenly ends saying Praise be to God forever Amen and Amen. It seems to stick out so badly and not fit with the rest. You're speaking of injustice then suddenly praise the one who has the power to change things? It doesn't seem right. Flashback to almost two years ago, hearing Dad cry over the phone talking about Sarah and her heart problems. Admist the crying, I felt at peace. Somehow I knew God was in control and he had a plan bigger than what I thought should happen. He not only had a plan for what he was doing and my life and what he'd use me for, but for her as well. It felt almost selfish to demand something different. I'm not saying that is the case for all injustices, almost all we need to stand up for what is right and work to help the people, but at the same time we need to trust that God is still wise and in control, He knows what He's doing. Hard stuff. I'm really looking forward to working with the Red Cross next semester. That's probably what I'm looking forward to the most, so much that I almost wish I could go sooner...almost. I don't know what I want to do there yet! So many choices: work with people who have AIDS/HIV, help women and prostitutes, help children, help people who have been through trauma and catastrophes... I'm going to be praying about it until I need to decide that God will lead me to the place where He wants me to be and will use me. I'm excited! It reminds me of Honduras, of working with the kids in Asheville, of working in Mississipi and in New Orleans. I love it. It makes me almost stop pursueing physical therapy and just join the peace corps or red cross. But God can use me in physical therapy too. It was wonderful talking to a woman last week about her journey from being abused as a child to becoming a jehova's witness to now being new age. Journey through 6 marriages. She seemed glad to have someone to talk to who would listen. There is so much time during a physical therapy session to just listen and talk, so many opportunities there! And the job is flexible enough that I could still do short term mission trips or doctors without borders (medical missions). I dunno what I'll end up doing, but seems like a good option at least.
It was also wonderful getting to house church late. Walking into the dulcet voices praising God in an almost acapela manner (since the guitar was so quiet). Later, sitting in the walkway, listening, I could focus better there somehow. It was just peaceful.
God, make me more like you; grow me into who you want me to be. I love you and sense your love that is not because of who I am but because of who you are. Help me to love others, help me to see those in need around me and pursue them.
I met a girl tonight at house church who is a spanish major and whose older brother is my sister's age and bipolar as well. We're planning on meeting for coffee. Interesting what connects people.
Peace to you.
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