Thursday, February 23, 2006
How wonderful! I just got back from the botanical gardens with Tara. You see, the test did not go so well this morning. I woke up, studied for an extra hour, went to breakfast....but the test was a lot harder than it should have been for that material... Oh well. I came back and stayed on the sofa most of the morning and early afternoon, only pulling myself off a couple of times for lunch and checking e-mail. By about 2pm I realized I would never sleep tonight if I didn't get up and do something. So I went to the Java with Tara...which turned into taking hte long way back to the dorm because of the beautiful weather...which turned into a trip to the botanical gardens. I can't believe it's February!! I was out in a t-shirt and jeans!! Such beautiful weather today could not be wasted!
It was amazing, not just the beauty of the gardens, but being together. I've missed that so much, that deeper connection. I've been so disconnected this semester since most people are too busy or we have opposite schedules. I mean, its not like we don' t hang out, but we don't go any deeper than that. It was wonderful to wander around and talk about life, friendships, thoughts, spiritual stuff, everything... I am convinced that we were created a relational people and when we don't have that deeper connection for a while we feel something missing.
One thing we talked about is how burnt out we get with organized religion sometimes. How judgemental Christians (even ourselves) can be (if its not na oxymoron to talk about it that way, we were including ourselves in that). How we miss the depth sometimes and its so easy to not go when we feel like we're not getting that or go for the wrong reasons. I dunno, its so easy to get lost in the religion and lose sight of the one true God who is the purpose and the point of it all; lose the grace and the freedom and the depth and the awe and the amazing, unconditional love.
"There's a place where religion finally dies.
There's a place where I lose my selfish pride.
Dancing with my Father God in fields of grace.
Dancing with my Father God in fields of grace."
Another thing at has been on my mind is probably best said in this poem by lope de vega carpio:
LORD, what am I, that with unceasing care
Thou did'st seek after me, that Thou did'st wait
Wet with unhealthy dews before my gate,
And pass the gloomy nights of winter there?
Oh, strange delusion, that I did not greet
Thy blest approach, and oh, to heaven how lost
If my ingratitude's unkindly frost
Has chilled the bleeding wounds upon Thy feet.
How oft my guardian angel gently cried,
"Soul, from thy casement look, and thou shalt see
How He persists to knock and wait for thee!"
And oh, how often to that Voice of sorrow,
"Tomorrow we will open," I replied,
And when the morrow came I answered still "Tomorrow."
That reminds me. Tara and I also talked about how a lot of times words just don't cut it. But there are those people who, when they look you in the eye, it feels as though they can see through you, see the real you, know everything about you. Its scary and cool at the same time. Then we realized that that's what God does.... Which was kinda cool to think about. But about the words not cutting it, sometimes words just can't encompass what you want to say. They just don't cut it. Both of us love to sit and watch people, because body language says so much. We stood and watched a young man out walking with his dog and daughter. Its was beautiful to see them. I took a couple of pictures. He saw me. I think he thought me strange, but it didn't seem to bother him too much. I love watching people and listening to snipets of their conversations in coffee shops or the dining hall or the library bridge. You can't a small bit of their life story. Which reminds me, we also talked about how we hate seeing people go out of our lives. Whether its because of distance, time, some sort of connection lost... Its hard to describe the feeling..and it would take a long time to rewrite the conversation so I'll leave it at that and let you do with it what you may.
I've been thinking about trying a different house church. It just feels like there isn't a depth or a closeness in the one I'm in. I mean, there is for our small group, or when our family group is small, but in general we never go that deep. Also, there is something else about it bothering me that I can't quite put my finger on. But I guess I'm afraid to try out another one in a way. I'm comfortable at church on Riggs and I love the people there. It would be hard to leave...
Well, I do believe I've overstepped my rambling limit, so I will leave you at that for the moment. Have a lovely day =-)
It was amazing, not just the beauty of the gardens, but being together. I've missed that so much, that deeper connection. I've been so disconnected this semester since most people are too busy or we have opposite schedules. I mean, its not like we don' t hang out, but we don't go any deeper than that. It was wonderful to wander around and talk about life, friendships, thoughts, spiritual stuff, everything... I am convinced that we were created a relational people and when we don't have that deeper connection for a while we feel something missing.
One thing we talked about is how burnt out we get with organized religion sometimes. How judgemental Christians (even ourselves) can be (if its not na oxymoron to talk about it that way, we were including ourselves in that). How we miss the depth sometimes and its so easy to not go when we feel like we're not getting that or go for the wrong reasons. I dunno, its so easy to get lost in the religion and lose sight of the one true God who is the purpose and the point of it all; lose the grace and the freedom and the depth and the awe and the amazing, unconditional love.
"There's a place where religion finally dies.
There's a place where I lose my selfish pride.
Dancing with my Father God in fields of grace.
Dancing with my Father God in fields of grace."
Another thing at has been on my mind is probably best said in this poem by lope de vega carpio:
LORD, what am I, that with unceasing care
Thou did'st seek after me, that Thou did'st wait
Wet with unhealthy dews before my gate,
And pass the gloomy nights of winter there?
Oh, strange delusion, that I did not greet
Thy blest approach, and oh, to heaven how lost
If my ingratitude's unkindly frost
Has chilled the bleeding wounds upon Thy feet.
How oft my guardian angel gently cried,
"Soul, from thy casement look, and thou shalt see
How He persists to knock and wait for thee!"
And oh, how often to that Voice of sorrow,
"Tomorrow we will open," I replied,
And when the morrow came I answered still "Tomorrow."
That reminds me. Tara and I also talked about how a lot of times words just don't cut it. But there are those people who, when they look you in the eye, it feels as though they can see through you, see the real you, know everything about you. Its scary and cool at the same time. Then we realized that that's what God does.... Which was kinda cool to think about. But about the words not cutting it, sometimes words just can't encompass what you want to say. They just don't cut it. Both of us love to sit and watch people, because body language says so much. We stood and watched a young man out walking with his dog and daughter. Its was beautiful to see them. I took a couple of pictures. He saw me. I think he thought me strange, but it didn't seem to bother him too much. I love watching people and listening to snipets of their conversations in coffee shops or the dining hall or the library bridge. You can't a small bit of their life story. Which reminds me, we also talked about how we hate seeing people go out of our lives. Whether its because of distance, time, some sort of connection lost... Its hard to describe the feeling..and it would take a long time to rewrite the conversation so I'll leave it at that and let you do with it what you may.
I've been thinking about trying a different house church. It just feels like there isn't a depth or a closeness in the one I'm in. I mean, there is for our small group, or when our family group is small, but in general we never go that deep. Also, there is something else about it bothering me that I can't quite put my finger on. But I guess I'm afraid to try out another one in a way. I'm comfortable at church on Riggs and I love the people there. It would be hard to leave...
Well, I do believe I've overstepped my rambling limit, so I will leave you at that for the moment. Have a lovely day =-)
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