Saturday, September 24, 2005
Guilty Wandering
I know, I know, I'm not suppose to walk alone at night. But I really did need to clear my mind and I promise I stuck to the well-lit areas. It was the perfect night for walking, so after parking my car close to the dorm for tomorrow, I wandered.
A group of guys were trying to do pull-ups on a tree branch.
"Where did you come from...."
A girl sat on the library steps drinking a bottle of water; I think I startled her...
"...Where did you go..."
A guy fought with a drink machine while a couple kissed on a park bench near the reflecting pond...
"Where did you come from..."
A rowdy group was leaving the frat dorms on their way to a party...
"...Cotton-eyed Joe" Ugh, why is that song stuck in my head?
Yet the night was perfect. Dark, silent (generally), warm in a way that made you feel like you were cuddled up in a blanket. It was a nice night for a walk. Ever feel really guilty about the way you treat someone? When at first you are mad at them, snap at something unrelated, realize you were the one in the wrong originally (and the second time as well) and completely regret the way you treated them? Or to realize that even if they had been in the wrong, it still would not merit the way you treated them? Yea. I've been doing this a lot lately. I the responsibility for the way I'm acting and I'm not going to chalk it up to stress, tiredness, PMS, or whatever. For any of you who I have hurt, my deepest apologies. Pray that God will continue to change my heart and grow me in love.
I got the worst feeling of being overwhelmed tonight (which was another thing on my mind while walking). Just realizing the amount of work for this next week is a lot greater than anticipated and I won't have tomorrow to do it. I'm driving up to Asheville tomorrow for the Honduras meeting, which will be great and I'm looking forward to it, but it kinda adds to the stress of figuring out how I'm going to get everything done. I think half the problem is that I need to just let go, realize I don't have to be perfect and not worry about it instead of letting the work load take over me. I make that the most important thing in my life, and that needs to change. Easier said than done eh?
Take the knife out of me now cause that hurt.
Speaking of knives, I keep cutting myself with one while slicing an apple. Dumb, I know, I just think: I don't have to worry about cutting correctly, what are the chances of...*slice*..." Yea, I'm in the honors college...
I havn't been myself lately have I? I've been worrying too much, stressing, pulling back into a shell, avoiding "real talk", being negative and cynical. I'm determined to get back to being myself, even if it means a quiz grade or two slides. Its not worth becoming what I've become.
A group of guys were trying to do pull-ups on a tree branch.
"Where did you come from...."
A girl sat on the library steps drinking a bottle of water; I think I startled her...
"...Where did you go..."
A guy fought with a drink machine while a couple kissed on a park bench near the reflecting pond...
"Where did you come from..."
A rowdy group was leaving the frat dorms on their way to a party...
"...Cotton-eyed Joe" Ugh, why is that song stuck in my head?
Yet the night was perfect. Dark, silent (generally), warm in a way that made you feel like you were cuddled up in a blanket. It was a nice night for a walk. Ever feel really guilty about the way you treat someone? When at first you are mad at them, snap at something unrelated, realize you were the one in the wrong originally (and the second time as well) and completely regret the way you treated them? Or to realize that even if they had been in the wrong, it still would not merit the way you treated them? Yea. I've been doing this a lot lately. I the responsibility for the way I'm acting and I'm not going to chalk it up to stress, tiredness, PMS, or whatever. For any of you who I have hurt, my deepest apologies. Pray that God will continue to change my heart and grow me in love.
I got the worst feeling of being overwhelmed tonight (which was another thing on my mind while walking). Just realizing the amount of work for this next week is a lot greater than anticipated and I won't have tomorrow to do it. I'm driving up to Asheville tomorrow for the Honduras meeting, which will be great and I'm looking forward to it, but it kinda adds to the stress of figuring out how I'm going to get everything done. I think half the problem is that I need to just let go, realize I don't have to be perfect and not worry about it instead of letting the work load take over me. I make that the most important thing in my life, and that needs to change. Easier said than done eh?
Take the knife out of me now cause that hurt.
Speaking of knives, I keep cutting myself with one while slicing an apple. Dumb, I know, I just think: I don't have to worry about cutting correctly, what are the chances of...*slice*..." Yea, I'm in the honors college...
I havn't been myself lately have I? I've been worrying too much, stressing, pulling back into a shell, avoiding "real talk", being negative and cynical. I'm determined to get back to being myself, even if it means a quiz grade or two slides. Its not worth becoming what I've become.
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