Ramblings of a Wandering Luney

Wow, its been awhile eh? I'm trying out this new blogger thingy Matthew helped me add. We'll see if this keeps me from losing so many posts. Wow, so much has happened since the last time I was here. It brought back so many memories having both of you back at the same time. The crazy British magician downtown was wonderful, discovering the rhino, random blue grass, coffee shops, wandering and most of all just talking. Reminded me so much of the old times. It was almost as if time hadn't passed. A lot of good conversation.

I keep typing things and deleting them cause so much has happened I don't know where to begin; so many thoughts, occurances, laughs, and such. So maybe I'll forget the past and just try to pick up with the present. Or close to the present.

Time present and time past
are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.

I had last week off from work, which was wonderful. That's all I will say about what I did or else I can ramble on forever about lakes and jet ski's and holes and soccer and... we were suppose to be at the lake for the whole time, but my step grandmother died. Grandpa didn't take it well. He asked dad if God hated him because in one year he lost his house, his father and his wife. Dad seemed drained for two days after he got the news, but relaxed more once we were out of town.

It was hard to hear her cry and not be able to hug her. So many of my friends have so much to deal with. I don't realize how good I have it til I spend time with them and see what they go through daily. My parents don't yell at me, I don't pay for my own trips to the doctor, they are there for me when I need help, they support my decisions.... It makes me think about the kind of parent I want to be. Makes me realize how unsacrificing and unselfish parents have to be. Makes me respect my parents a whole lot more.

Ever have an idea you were wrestling with suddenly make sense after ignoring it for awhile? Yea... I'm not sure if I like it that way or would rather fight it to resolution in my thoughts. Cause if I fight it and come to a conclusion, then at least I know it is what I truely think is right. I will always second guess the idea that suddenly just seems right.

I saw a bumper sticker on my way home from work today. It said question reality. My first thought was, that's a good bumper sticker. Then I thought about it. Its more telling me to question if what is around me is real and not just to question the validity of it. There is a difference. So I came to the conclusion that if I bought the bumper sticker I would cut it in half and keep the part that said "question" and randomly stick the reality part on someone else's car. Its good to question, we don't learn without questioning. Through questioning we realize what we believe. We shouldn't accept things at face value. It drives me nuts when I run across people who always do that. Like that one girl who said McDonalds was bad because it made people fat and that statement was true cause she heard it in school. That made me ill. Yea, there are times when you have to accept things without questioning, but not always. But then I thought about the bumper sticker again. It might not be bad to have the whole thing. Question Reality. The reality of people. Not everyone we see around us is real. Dumb facades that even I put up at times as a defense. Punch me if you notice me using a facade. I want to always be real. But its so hard to be. So painful. If someone insults you, its only the facade that's hurt. A facade can be broken without hurting the wearer, humiliating them maybe, but no real pain. Another facade can easily and quickly replace it. But a cut to the face, the real face, hurts in a way beyond humiliation and sometimes leaves a scar. Question reality, the reality of people's intentions.

Good night.