Thursday, January 20, 2005
I understood math today! It made me happy. Today was one of those mornings which are wonderfully cold. The air just feels alive, in the morning at least. We hung out today. It's still weird. Hopefully time will help, cause this weirdness is not fun and its quite uncomfortable. It makes me wish at almost every moment that I was somewhere else. But I don't want to give up because I remember what it was like before, and I hate giving up, especially on people.
I met with Monica and Tara today for LTG. It was really good. We didn't really start getting into anything, just mostly catching up on the last month and talking about our struggles and life. So I guess we did get into something: realness and our lives. Its awesome to have a supportive group like that. I think what hit me the most was Monica talking about how she learned to not try to get into everything and meet everyone. You wind up putting 2% of your time into alot of people and never build strong bonds. I have a problem with that. I want to get to know everyone. I was so afraid that I was going to have a hard time making friends, now the problem is trying to find time to spend with them. I guess its harder cause they are from different groups that don't intermingle very much. The fencers don't know the DCF people who don't know many of the floor people who don't know as many people from other floors. I guess I've started trying to just build deeper relationships with a few people lately. Meeting people for coffee or lunch one on one. It's been good. Or taking long random walks to catch up on life. Or randomly hanging out at night with a small group. Or accidently forgetting my laundry.
I was almost in tears and he just stared at me with that "oh man this is uncomfortable and I don't know what to do look". But that's okay. He's a guy and some guys aren't use to emotion. Although a hug would have been nice.
I've gotten this habit of staying up late, and as much as I should, I don't want to change it. I get to know people and see people and hang out with people I don't normally get to during the day. Sleep is overrated anyway.
I had a poem stuck in my head today. It brought back so many memories. Memories of AP English class. Sitting outside on the hill by the tree with Mrs. Goffin requesting that we put the poem to music. The guys realizing that the tune of Evanescence songs were in the same rhythm and pattern as the poem. Hearing Meri and the guys singing it to various tunes while feeling the sun on my back. Memories of uniforms and tea and scones. Duct tape balls and sitting the hall.
That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west;
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
Consumed with that which it was nourished by.
This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.
-William Shakespeare
I met with Monica and Tara today for LTG. It was really good. We didn't really start getting into anything, just mostly catching up on the last month and talking about our struggles and life. So I guess we did get into something: realness and our lives. Its awesome to have a supportive group like that. I think what hit me the most was Monica talking about how she learned to not try to get into everything and meet everyone. You wind up putting 2% of your time into alot of people and never build strong bonds. I have a problem with that. I want to get to know everyone. I was so afraid that I was going to have a hard time making friends, now the problem is trying to find time to spend with them. I guess its harder cause they are from different groups that don't intermingle very much. The fencers don't know the DCF people who don't know many of the floor people who don't know as many people from other floors. I guess I've started trying to just build deeper relationships with a few people lately. Meeting people for coffee or lunch one on one. It's been good. Or taking long random walks to catch up on life. Or randomly hanging out at night with a small group. Or accidently forgetting my laundry.
I was almost in tears and he just stared at me with that "oh man this is uncomfortable and I don't know what to do look". But that's okay. He's a guy and some guys aren't use to emotion. Although a hug would have been nice.
I've gotten this habit of staying up late, and as much as I should, I don't want to change it. I get to know people and see people and hang out with people I don't normally get to during the day. Sleep is overrated anyway.
I had a poem stuck in my head today. It brought back so many memories. Memories of AP English class. Sitting outside on the hill by the tree with Mrs. Goffin requesting that we put the poem to music. The guys realizing that the tune of Evanescence songs were in the same rhythm and pattern as the poem. Hearing Meri and the guys singing it to various tunes while feeling the sun on my back. Memories of uniforms and tea and scones. Duct tape balls and sitting the hall.
That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west;
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
Consumed with that which it was nourished by.
This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.
-William Shakespeare
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