Sunday, December 19, 2004
I thought it would get better when more people came home. I thought it was just all the extra time with nothing to do making everything seem...weird. Now I'm surrounded by people most of the day, but still feel lonely at times, it still feels...odd.
Maybe its because we have lived the last three months in separate places. We know cognitively a bit of what happened to eachother, but we can't quite grasp it. Every place we lived has been so different from the others, our experiences differ, we don't know the same people or anything. Now we come back and first want to talk about our lives at school. But somehow as much as we talk, we never feel understood or connected. So we finally attempt to merely pick up where we left off and ignore the last three months. But that is impossible. Over the last three months we've changed, grown. We're not the same people we were when we said good bye. Pretending like the last three months were a dream is like living under a mask, its hypocritical almost.
Maybe I just need to give it more time.
Am I the only one who feels torn between two worlds? I suspect that I'm not. Its like a limbo between two places that "saben" of eachothers existence but don't "conocen" eachother. Pardon me adding spanish, but there is no decent english equivalent that I could come up with in my limited vocabulary.
I do enjoy seeing you all again. Don't think that I don't. I think it'll just take me a few more days to adjust. Maybe I'm just tired. I always am more emotional and tend to exaggerate more when I'm tired.
Have you ever read The Three Musketeers? Have you ever noticed how used the women are? They seem to be tools most of the time. Not always. But most of the time. The men pretending to love the women often to get what they want (information, money, whatever). Its a good book though. Rachel, I'd recommend you read it, but I'm betting you already have =-)
Maybe its because we have lived the last three months in separate places. We know cognitively a bit of what happened to eachother, but we can't quite grasp it. Every place we lived has been so different from the others, our experiences differ, we don't know the same people or anything. Now we come back and first want to talk about our lives at school. But somehow as much as we talk, we never feel understood or connected. So we finally attempt to merely pick up where we left off and ignore the last three months. But that is impossible. Over the last three months we've changed, grown. We're not the same people we were when we said good bye. Pretending like the last three months were a dream is like living under a mask, its hypocritical almost.
Maybe I just need to give it more time.
Am I the only one who feels torn between two worlds? I suspect that I'm not. Its like a limbo between two places that "saben" of eachothers existence but don't "conocen" eachother. Pardon me adding spanish, but there is no decent english equivalent that I could come up with in my limited vocabulary.
I do enjoy seeing you all again. Don't think that I don't. I think it'll just take me a few more days to adjust. Maybe I'm just tired. I always am more emotional and tend to exaggerate more when I'm tired.
Have you ever read The Three Musketeers? Have you ever noticed how used the women are? They seem to be tools most of the time. Not always. But most of the time. The men pretending to love the women often to get what they want (information, money, whatever). Its a good book though. Rachel, I'd recommend you read it, but I'm betting you already have =-)
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