Sunday, November 14, 2004
Surprising how pain and joy can be so intertwined and wrapped into one that they become inseparable.
I really feel at home here. Not so much that the place itself is homey (to an extent it is), but its the people. We're there for each other when life goes wrong. The types of relationships we strove for in the youth group is here. I never imagined that could happen in so short a period of time. People who I'm excited to see how their doing and am willing to lose sleep and miss out on things to help and they do the same for me. When people who I barely know are supportive through the hard times and I'm more then willing to do the same for those I don't know. This is within the church I go to. Its a community of people who know they are fallen and in need of grace, and are supporting eachother as they grow. Its so encouraging. In the good times, we enjoy just being together.
I fly up to New Hampshire next weekend for my Grandmother's memorial service. It happened so fast its almost unreal. I don't want to think about it. That's the way I deal with things. I'm fine until I have to deal with it.
Its a beautiful day today. I went for a walk just for the joy of it. It's one of those days with a cold breeze but warm sunshine and all the leaves still changing. One of those days with a calm sense of joy and wonder in the air. Everything seem at peace and yet in such turmoil. Everything so full of life. The peaceful beauty of the sunlight on the trees. The wind pulling the leaves, tossing some madly about, twirling others in a graceful dance. Some leaves chased eachother across the ground as in a game of tag while others were trampled. Some leaves were content to stay secured to the branch, blowing back and forth, but never knowing the joy of free flying, relaxed in the control of the wind wherever it might blow. To dance in the wind, trusting completely, letting things happen as they may.
I was going to stop my post here, but I thought of something else. I love looking for the simple beauty in things. Look at the trees while walking to class, or the sky, or the squirrels running about. There is so much beauty in what we come to know of as the mundane. To look at everything anew each day is awesome. Take joy in the simple things. Run my hands across the bushes as I pass just to soak up how the leaves feel against my skin. Soak up every moment in life and enjoy it. That's something I've been doing more since I've been here. I've been so much more at peace since I started doing that and it makes life so much more enjoyable. You can either look at a day as something you have to get through, just get through the test, just get to the weekend. Or you can capture every moment and look for the good in it. That was my motto on my shield my senior year of high school: live every moment and live it for the Lord. Except it was in Latin so it sounded cooler.
One of the guys was in my dorm the other night studying for a test. We got talking about the cold weather.
"I want to get all the ingredients to make pumpkin spice bread when I go home so I can cook it in the study room. That way a group of us can all sit inside, eat baked bread, and drink tea or cider on a cold rainy day."
"Now why would you want to do that?"
"It'd be so homey."
"But this isn't home. We're suppose to be just scrapping by. We're in college, it isn't suppose to be good or homey."
I laughed.
"Who says it has to be bad? We can enjoy our moments. And anyway, this is our home now. We may as well make this homey."
Weird, it is like home. I miss my family, but I don't' want to go home. Home just isn't the same. I feel so out of place, even at Grace. I hate that feeling. I wish that there was a way that I could see people without that feeling. I loved walking into my house and the feeling of home. The sights and smells. But staying there for longer then one day just gets weird and I find myself wanting to come....home. I find myself missing Clemson.
I shall leave you now with a quote from one of my friends here:
"...This world knows no mercy, this life gives only pain. To live is to kill who I am, to die is to give life to my soul"
-Chris Mart
I really feel at home here. Not so much that the place itself is homey (to an extent it is), but its the people. We're there for each other when life goes wrong. The types of relationships we strove for in the youth group is here. I never imagined that could happen in so short a period of time. People who I'm excited to see how their doing and am willing to lose sleep and miss out on things to help and they do the same for me. When people who I barely know are supportive through the hard times and I'm more then willing to do the same for those I don't know. This is within the church I go to. Its a community of people who know they are fallen and in need of grace, and are supporting eachother as they grow. Its so encouraging. In the good times, we enjoy just being together.
I fly up to New Hampshire next weekend for my Grandmother's memorial service. It happened so fast its almost unreal. I don't want to think about it. That's the way I deal with things. I'm fine until I have to deal with it.
Its a beautiful day today. I went for a walk just for the joy of it. It's one of those days with a cold breeze but warm sunshine and all the leaves still changing. One of those days with a calm sense of joy and wonder in the air. Everything seem at peace and yet in such turmoil. Everything so full of life. The peaceful beauty of the sunlight on the trees. The wind pulling the leaves, tossing some madly about, twirling others in a graceful dance. Some leaves chased eachother across the ground as in a game of tag while others were trampled. Some leaves were content to stay secured to the branch, blowing back and forth, but never knowing the joy of free flying, relaxed in the control of the wind wherever it might blow. To dance in the wind, trusting completely, letting things happen as they may.
I was going to stop my post here, but I thought of something else. I love looking for the simple beauty in things. Look at the trees while walking to class, or the sky, or the squirrels running about. There is so much beauty in what we come to know of as the mundane. To look at everything anew each day is awesome. Take joy in the simple things. Run my hands across the bushes as I pass just to soak up how the leaves feel against my skin. Soak up every moment in life and enjoy it. That's something I've been doing more since I've been here. I've been so much more at peace since I started doing that and it makes life so much more enjoyable. You can either look at a day as something you have to get through, just get through the test, just get to the weekend. Or you can capture every moment and look for the good in it. That was my motto on my shield my senior year of high school: live every moment and live it for the Lord. Except it was in Latin so it sounded cooler.
One of the guys was in my dorm the other night studying for a test. We got talking about the cold weather.
"I want to get all the ingredients to make pumpkin spice bread when I go home so I can cook it in the study room. That way a group of us can all sit inside, eat baked bread, and drink tea or cider on a cold rainy day."
"Now why would you want to do that?"
"It'd be so homey."
"But this isn't home. We're suppose to be just scrapping by. We're in college, it isn't suppose to be good or homey."
I laughed.
"Who says it has to be bad? We can enjoy our moments. And anyway, this is our home now. We may as well make this homey."
Weird, it is like home. I miss my family, but I don't' want to go home. Home just isn't the same. I feel so out of place, even at Grace. I hate that feeling. I wish that there was a way that I could see people without that feeling. I loved walking into my house and the feeling of home. The sights and smells. But staying there for longer then one day just gets weird and I find myself wanting to come....home. I find myself missing Clemson.
I shall leave you now with a quote from one of my friends here:
"...This world knows no mercy, this life gives only pain. To live is to kill who I am, to die is to give life to my soul"
-Chris Mart
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