Ramblings of a Wandering Luney

Last night was the longest I have spent in the library. We were there from 7pm to 2am. Studying the whole time? Not so much, but I did get quite a good deal done. Yet what happens when you put a group of five fencers together late at night with caffine and a tenis ball? Yeah.... good times.... Man the look on those two girls' faces was funny!!!

Did I learn anything? John is very funny when giddy, all the fencers eventually sound like Michael, an interesting prank that I had not considered, warm air comes through vents in the ground, and...well..I think you get the jist.

I did have fun talking philosophy. I miss that so much!! Late night conversations with Bill, Britt and Kelsey discussing postmoderism and existentialism. I met a guy who is an extistentialist and claims to be so. It was really fun to hear what he thinks. I think I got a bit to excited and tried too hard to make counter points. If I can get the topic to come up again, I think I'd like to back down and hear what he has to say. I love philosophy.

Talon grounded me, but I'm ungrounded now 'cause he forgot what he grounded me for, YAY!

The fencing tournament was awesome!!! Congrats to Jason, Ed and Brooks!

I have four tests and a quiz this week. I'm going to die!! At least I already finished one today. It was easy though, only took ten minutes. Gotta love those.

I hate ending posts cause I never know how. I can never write conclusions to papers. Maybe things just shouldn't end. I mean, it would suck for a thing to go on forever because there is not enough information or interest for most things to go on forever (nor time for that matter), but thought does not end. I can end my post here, but my thoughts don't come to a logical end that others would see as logical. A conclusion creates the necessary logical end. But if my thoughts don't come to a logical end because there is so much more I could say, then there is no way to make a logical conclusion. And I hate things without conclusions because they leave my thoughts hanging and I will continue to go through the thing in my head because there is no resolution. I just can't write resolutions myself. I don't know. Does it seem to anyone else that humans have a need for resolution in music, movies, books, but life itself does not offer these resolutions? An unresolved movie is psychologically proven to leave a bad taste in someone's mouth (figuratively speaking), but life almost never resolves itself. We reach for an unattainable, optimistic goal of resolution despite reality. It seems like we humans like to drift toward optimism over reality. Talking to a humanist or an existentialist, they'll tell you that their beliefs are utopian and optimistic, and some of them may even admit that they are almost unreal. Yet they continue to believe them. Idealism over reality, comfort over truth. It may not work in society, but it works for me. Why is there such a strong draw to this? Why do we humans love to play Don Quixote and fence our windmills and ride our fences? Why, when the truth is actually freeing, do we run from it as though it is oppression? Why do we fear absolutes?

So what happens when reality finally hits? When our castles of sand, once so glorious, are smashed by the waves of an absolute, undeniable truth?

I just started typing randomly, and this is were I ended up. I could continue, but I have a small things called class to go to. No, I won't delete it even though it will read unlogically because my hands couldn't keep up with my jumps in thought. It reminds me of what Razumikhin said in Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment:

" Do you think I care if they talk nonsense? Hogwash! I love nonsense! Talking nonsense is man's only privilege that distinguishes him from all other organisms. If you keep talking big nonsense, you will get to sense! I am a man, therefore I talk nonsense. Nobody ever got to a single truth without talking nonsense fourteen times first. Maybe ever a hundred and fourteen."

They quote goes on and gets even better, but I'll quote it someother time. I've procrastinated too long on my homework and I must eat some lunch at some point. I love Dostoyevsky though. He's probably my favorite writer. If you can read only one thing by him, read The Brothers Karamosov. Think with philosophy and long, but a good read if you stick with it. Crime and Punishment is really good too, though. Pardon my nonsense, for now I must go listen to more nonsense.