Sunday, March 14, 2004
Wow.....Bill and Britt were seriously on a pun kick tonight, it was insane! I never thought any two people could make as many consecutive puns as that.
I think God is trying to tell me something (no, I'm not still talking about the puns). I am stubborn and proud. I mean, this semester God has brought into my life guys who like to help girls out, whether its loaning money, opening doors, or whatever. Yes, it's sweet, but I'm really not use to that. The door thing I've gotten use to, but it's still hard for me to accept help from guys who are just friends without feeling like I'm mooching or being a needy, whiny little girl. But God started to show me that I'm acting the same way with Him as with these guys. "Thank you very much for saving me, but now I can take care of myself." I recognized what He was trying to teach me, but didn't really want to change and when I was suddenly struck with the desire to change it was ith the attitude of "Okay, I'm gonna go out and change myself." So, life went on, until He knocked me over, literally. If a simple life example won't change you, let's try something else. But even hobbling along I was determined to do it myself. Thank you Bill for being so patient with me. Sure enough, the sermon the next morning was about not being able to save ourselves. So was part of youth leadership too, actually. It hit me when Colin used the image of Jesus carrying the sheep. The sheep wasn't doing anything, all the sheep could do was rest in the shepards embrace. I struggle so much to try to make it easier on whoever is helping me (or saving me), but instead, I realize, I only make it harder. Pray for me, if you think of it, that this incident won't stay just as head knowledge, but instead lead to a real heart change. Only God can break through this insanely think wall of pride I have built, and I lack a desire to let him tear it down (even as I hobble along). My dad, who didn't know I was injured at all until after the sermon, laughed his head off when he found out is was fractured (after I had told him that it was perfectly fine and just alittle bruised as I limped from his office) and wished that he had known before the sermon so he could have used it as an illustration. Talk about what a pride wounder that would have been. Well, I'm babbling, I must get sleep.
"Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
I think God is trying to tell me something (no, I'm not still talking about the puns). I am stubborn and proud. I mean, this semester God has brought into my life guys who like to help girls out, whether its loaning money, opening doors, or whatever. Yes, it's sweet, but I'm really not use to that. The door thing I've gotten use to, but it's still hard for me to accept help from guys who are just friends without feeling like I'm mooching or being a needy, whiny little girl. But God started to show me that I'm acting the same way with Him as with these guys. "Thank you very much for saving me, but now I can take care of myself." I recognized what He was trying to teach me, but didn't really want to change and when I was suddenly struck with the desire to change it was ith the attitude of "Okay, I'm gonna go out and change myself." So, life went on, until He knocked me over, literally. If a simple life example won't change you, let's try something else. But even hobbling along I was determined to do it myself. Thank you Bill for being so patient with me. Sure enough, the sermon the next morning was about not being able to save ourselves. So was part of youth leadership too, actually. It hit me when Colin used the image of Jesus carrying the sheep. The sheep wasn't doing anything, all the sheep could do was rest in the shepards embrace. I struggle so much to try to make it easier on whoever is helping me (or saving me), but instead, I realize, I only make it harder. Pray for me, if you think of it, that this incident won't stay just as head knowledge, but instead lead to a real heart change. Only God can break through this insanely think wall of pride I have built, and I lack a desire to let him tear it down (even as I hobble along). My dad, who didn't know I was injured at all until after the sermon, laughed his head off when he found out is was fractured (after I had told him that it was perfectly fine and just alittle bruised as I limped from his office) and wished that he had known before the sermon so he could have used it as an illustration. Talk about what a pride wounder that would have been. Well, I'm babbling, I must get sleep.
"Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
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