Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Ever feel lonely in crowd?
Ever look forward to bed so you can muffle your tears with a pillow?
Ever want so bad to seek help and yet be unable to gather the strength to ask?
Ever feel like your watching yourself do something and want to stop yourself from speaking yet somehow can't?
Ever get sick of who you are?
Ever get sick of who you wish you were?
To sit, to watch and accept your position.
Ouch. Sucky.
Washington is alright. I'm enjoying parts of it. Being with the class, goofing off, seeing really cool stuff. I hate parts of it: limping around, not being able to catch up to people so spending alot of time alone, pain, broken friendships (yea, ACA people are like living in a soap opera, my goodness, it's aweful!! I love them, but I can't wait to get back to the non-ACA people), boredom of some of the tours, exhaustion. You know what else sucks? The only time people talk to me is to give me a look of pity (which really isn't talking) or to ask if I'm okay or if I need help. There is more to me than an injury people!!!! (sorry, can ya tell the frustration is getting the best of me right now? Meri, Mandy and I had a great yell in the hotel parking lot - very stress relieving.
I don't know why I'm so scared of being hurt or rejected by people. I don't know why I'm terrified of letting them help me. I don't know why I hate feeling like I'm a burden. Oh...Wait...I remember.
Okay, I'm done ranting. =-) I'm going to go help Brittney break back into OUR room that we have yet again been kicked out of. By the way, Washington is such a clean city, and beautiful at sun set. I love the trees here. We need some like these at home. Ah, Bekah needs the computer. Adios.
Ever look forward to bed so you can muffle your tears with a pillow?
Ever want so bad to seek help and yet be unable to gather the strength to ask?
Ever feel like your watching yourself do something and want to stop yourself from speaking yet somehow can't?
Ever get sick of who you are?
Ever get sick of who you wish you were?
To sit, to watch and accept your position.
Ouch. Sucky.
Washington is alright. I'm enjoying parts of it. Being with the class, goofing off, seeing really cool stuff. I hate parts of it: limping around, not being able to catch up to people so spending alot of time alone, pain, broken friendships (yea, ACA people are like living in a soap opera, my goodness, it's aweful!! I love them, but I can't wait to get back to the non-ACA people), boredom of some of the tours, exhaustion. You know what else sucks? The only time people talk to me is to give me a look of pity (which really isn't talking) or to ask if I'm okay or if I need help. There is more to me than an injury people!!!! (sorry, can ya tell the frustration is getting the best of me right now? Meri, Mandy and I had a great yell in the hotel parking lot - very stress relieving.
I don't know why I'm so scared of being hurt or rejected by people. I don't know why I'm terrified of letting them help me. I don't know why I hate feeling like I'm a burden. Oh...Wait...I remember.
Okay, I'm done ranting. =-) I'm going to go help Brittney break back into OUR room that we have yet again been kicked out of. By the way, Washington is such a clean city, and beautiful at sun set. I love the trees here. We need some like these at home. Ah, Bekah needs the computer. Adios.
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