Saturday, February 21, 2004
Hmm...it has been a few days since I last posted.
Okay, I want to just get one thing straight: just because I'm thinking, being quieter than normal, or do not have a big goofy grin on my face does not mean I am pissed. Half the time when people think I'm pissed, I am not mad at all. It's really annoying when people are like "Dang she's pissed" and I'm actually just calm for once. And for those of you reading this, no, I'm not pissed while writing this. I'm actually in a really good mood. 50 First Dates is a hilarious movie!!!! And Krysten: GGTUW!!! =-)
I was thinking the other day while I was riding. My horse was being a typical thoroughbred who had not been riden for 3 weeks and was now being ridden next to a buisy rode (for non-horse people that means he was being absolutely insane). As he bucked, reared, and attempted to gallop around the extremely muddy pasture, I thought wow God must really be with me right now 'cause I normally cannot ride him this well. As I drove home I realized how absolutely stupid that statement was. Duh, God is always with me, even when I'm hospitalized due to some a crazy incident, He is always there. But I only stop and say: "Wow God was with me" when the outcome is good. When things go alot worse than expected the last thing to cross my mind is God's presence, and the first is always: why? Have any of you seen the TV show Joan of Arcadia? Well, in the first episoide she was asking God alot of why questions and he finally said: "Notice that I'm not answering any of your why questions?" I ask why because I don't want to trust Him that the end purpose is good and that there is a purpose. It is so much easier to know the answer. Lately I have been asking Him alot of why God?
Stands up
Falls back down
Tries to stand again
Falls back down
"God why? Please just tell me why?"
Phone rings
Grandfather abusing Grandma again
"Why God?"
Phone rings again
Sister is sick
Second time in three weeks
Almost hospitalized again
"Why God?"
Its seems like I have been asking Him why far more than I have been seeking just to know Him and asking Him to help my unbelief. Its so hard to trust Him when everything seems to be so messed up, so wrong, so unfair. But than again I'm forgetting that if He was fair apart from Christ I would be dead. He gave me so much more than I deserve. He didn't just save me, He gave us sunsets.
I would ask "where are You?"
But I already know you're there
I would ask You to take away the pain
But I know there is a reason
Although is seems like madness
Someone once told me
You were crazy
Crazy to love someone like me
Crazy to care when I spit in Your face
I ask why and forget
You've already given me more
More than I could dream
See the sunset?
See the love?
Okay, I want to just get one thing straight: just because I'm thinking, being quieter than normal, or do not have a big goofy grin on my face does not mean I am pissed. Half the time when people think I'm pissed, I am not mad at all. It's really annoying when people are like "Dang she's pissed" and I'm actually just calm for once. And for those of you reading this, no, I'm not pissed while writing this. I'm actually in a really good mood. 50 First Dates is a hilarious movie!!!! And Krysten: GGTUW!!! =-)
I was thinking the other day while I was riding. My horse was being a typical thoroughbred who had not been riden for 3 weeks and was now being ridden next to a buisy rode (for non-horse people that means he was being absolutely insane). As he bucked, reared, and attempted to gallop around the extremely muddy pasture, I thought wow God must really be with me right now 'cause I normally cannot ride him this well. As I drove home I realized how absolutely stupid that statement was. Duh, God is always with me, even when I'm hospitalized due to some a crazy incident, He is always there. But I only stop and say: "Wow God was with me" when the outcome is good. When things go alot worse than expected the last thing to cross my mind is God's presence, and the first is always: why? Have any of you seen the TV show Joan of Arcadia? Well, in the first episoide she was asking God alot of why questions and he finally said: "Notice that I'm not answering any of your why questions?" I ask why because I don't want to trust Him that the end purpose is good and that there is a purpose. It is so much easier to know the answer. Lately I have been asking Him alot of why God?
Stands up
Falls back down
Tries to stand again
Falls back down
"God why? Please just tell me why?"
Phone rings
Grandfather abusing Grandma again
"Why God?"
Phone rings again
Sister is sick
Second time in three weeks
Almost hospitalized again
"Why God?"
Its seems like I have been asking Him why far more than I have been seeking just to know Him and asking Him to help my unbelief. Its so hard to trust Him when everything seems to be so messed up, so wrong, so unfair. But than again I'm forgetting that if He was fair apart from Christ I would be dead. He gave me so much more than I deserve. He didn't just save me, He gave us sunsets.
I would ask "where are You?"
But I already know you're there
I would ask You to take away the pain
But I know there is a reason
Although is seems like madness
Someone once told me
You were crazy
Crazy to love someone like me
Crazy to care when I spit in Your face
I ask why and forget
You've already given me more
More than I could dream
See the sunset?
See the love?
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